When aunties are your colleagues...

My definition of aunties - Ladies 45 and above.

Within a few weeks in the organisation, I learnt that it is taboo to call the 45++ ladies, aunties. They cringe, squirm and glare at you when you call them a*****s. Better still, some ignore you, saying they didn't know you were talking to them. One of them actually told me, "I have a name. Its for people to call." I wanted to call her "Bitch" and tell her, "There I have called you." But she went on to explain that she was not very old and that auntie makes it sound like she was 50++ when she was only 48... She sounded desperate, hence, I decided not to pursue the matter.

The word auntie demands a prior consideration of the sensitivities of the individual, whom you think fits into the "auntie" category. Sometimes, they just try so hard not to be an auntie. But as they say, "You can take the lady out of the aunty but you can't take the aunty out of the lady."

The Aunties Guidebook

Their makeup is thick.

Their dressing sense is better than mine. (They got class.)

Their kids are probably my age.

Their experience is probably the duration of my existence on earth thus far.

They drive continental cars that are not modified.

They hit the gym thrice a week and are appalled by my innate ability to "maintain" my "figure" without having to exercise.

Their daily lunch comprises mainly of fruits and veges. They try to ruin my appetite by telling me how unhealthy my chicken cutlet is.

Their lunch conversations are about their husbands, the new hairdresser in their neighbourhood, shopping, menopause, cervical cancer, pap smear, mahjong sessions on Sunday, ectopic pregnancy, Vit C deficiencies, arthritis, worsening eyesight and the moral erosion of the youth.

They claim they are better drinkers than the current young females.

They recommend good places to eat. They know hotels that have good high tea buffets. They also know the sleazy hotels I shouldn't bring my imagined boyfriend to.

They recommend medicure & pedicure shops and they know the name of the shop that is giving the highest discount for bras and panties.

When they discuss music, they ask me, "You know who the Beatles are right?", "Do you know Axl Rose?", "Have you heard the Bohemian Rhapsody before?"

When they hear me cough in the office, they offer/recommend me Herbal tea, ginseng and bird's nest.

When Saturday approaches, they ask me , "You going Zouk huh?"

When they found out I have a facebook account they ask me to go spy on their kids, though I had told them many a time that I could only do that if their kid added me. To that the response is, "Why like that one? Is it a feature in facebook? Can you notify them to remove the feature?"

When there is a lucky draw, they want to win it. They do no think twice about using aggression.

When there are six of us in a table, the youngest, which by default will be me, has to go buy them drinks. I get bullied into doing things I would otherwise not do with my (age) group of friends.

When I tell them, "You guys rock", they tell me to speak English properly.

When they hear or read a dirty joke, they sms to inform me about it even though its 8 a.m. on a Sunday morning.

When they go to a Mall nearby for lunch, they buy me heart-shaped strawberry donuts with Winne the Pooh pictures because they think I am 8.

When they are talking about NUS, its best not to interrupt, interfere or chip in because you would have no clue on what to say about NUS in the 70s.

When they ask you about 50 cent, they are not talking about money.

When they ask you about your love life, they are just being kay-pohs, like all aunties.

When they proceed to ask you about your sex life though you had repeatedly told them you have neither a love nor a sex life, you have to remember that they have your best interests in heart. They just want you to "be happy" and go "forth and multiply".

When they see a guy smiling and talking to you, they think the guy is interested in you. When you tell them that is not the case, disappointment spreads across their Botox-ed faces.

Albeit all these idiosyncrasies, I realised I had learnt substantially from them. Their unintended informal education has become an inextricable part of our interactions.

Also, their work-related questions are often deep, focused and thought-provoking; inevitably enabling me to think more.

My most immediate gain from my interactions with these aunties would be the added calibre of knowledge. Its immeasurable and unquantifiable.

However, I do wish they would teach me mahjong in English and not Hokkien or Cantonese. They should pay more attention to the colour of my skin and come to terms with the fact that I am indeed Indian.

Two days ago, I met three aunties in the lift and they were wearing similar Oakely look-alike shades, which they had collectively bought for 60 bucks from a shop at Orchard.

I said, "Good morning."

Auntie One: Yo.

Auntie Two: (made a sound)

Auntie Three: What's up?

I laughed cynically and shrugged my shoulders as a response to their "cool" replies.

In situations similar to these, I wonder whether I am becoming the aunty they always were.

On their brilliance ...

I would like to thank AWARE for not remembering their mission and goals and for not being AWARE of their role in society.

I would like to thank the staff of MCYS for redefining their role in the civil service, because seriously, no one else can PIMP us out like them.

Hemachandra

I thought the singers on Air Tel Super Singer were really good... until I stumbled upon this guy.

Hemachandra, currently 21, is of Telugu descent. He has a few Telugu and Hindi songs to his credit.

He competed in Zee TV's Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2005. He was 17 then.

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa is a national-level singing competition in India, meaning anyone from any state in India can take part. But you have to sing in Hindi.

When Hemachandra auditioned for the competition, he did not speak Hindi. He memerised 2 Hindi songs for the auditions. Along the course of the competition, he learnt Hindi. According to Wikipedia, he was the first South Indian to become a finalist in Sa Re Ga Ma Pa. In fact, he made it to the top 3 but was eliminated due to the lack of public votes (like duh...).

I had a hard time selecting and posting his best videos... because most of them are good. I have selected the following four because I personally think they are his best.



Hey Rama



Pachai Niramae




Vande Maataram




My favourite. It was his final performance in the show :(

You can youtube more of his performances. Noteworthy ones would be Mitwa from Lagaan, Ramta Jogi from Taal, Ee Ajnabi from Dil Se and Woh Lamhe.

Ho Chi Minh - A City in Between

"Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone." -Keynes

Ho Chi Minh City- The thriving capital of Vietnam is a fine blend of conservatism and modernism. It is a city enjoying its economic benefits in a stringent manner. It is a city that caters to the tourists' needs without compromising its cultural values.

It is one of the safer and cleaner capitals in Southeast Asia, which I must say came as a surprise to me.

After hearing stories about Hanoi, I had painted a rather passive picture of Ho Chi Minh. I pictured a city underdeveloped and dull, with the Vietnamese not being able to understand me. I even wrote down 10 may-come-in-handy phrases for future perusal. But... Ho Chi Minh City evoked an utterly different response from me; one that was pleasant and welcomed.

We stayed in District 1, what I would like to call the Orchard Road of Singapore. The juxtaposed architectural landscape in the city was just fascinating.The big all-mighty Sheraton was surrounded by shoddy shops and small scale restaurants; outside a big GUESS outlet, a lady had set up a stall to sell her "street food". These in Singapore would be termed architectural disasters. But it works for Vietnam because the rich and poor co-exist, side by side, neither groups revered nor ostracized. Its this balance that heightens the contrast and compartmentalises the ideals of the city. They are capitalist in mind and communist by heart.

Tidbits of Ho Chi Minh City:

There is NO Macdonalds in Vietnam. They have other fast food restaurants though. Its like their way of saying, "You (USA) are not coming back to my country again."

You don't feel like littering in public because the locals don't do it.

You cannot travel over 50km/hr on their HIGHWAYS. If caught, the police will tow away the vehicle and it would be released only after 3 months.

There are more motorbikes than people in Ho Chi Minh City.

Traffic lights don't really work and traffic rules are adhered by the stupid and stupider. You can cross as you wish because the drivers will meander their way around you.

The women are small, gentle, sweet and polite though I had to repeat my queries to the pregnant hotel receptionist many times, at different speeds and my masseurs did not understand my jokes :(

You meet nice people with strange names or should I say sounds.. like Dong, Duc and Elim.

A pack of cigarettes cost US$3!!! I was planning on having three sticks in my mouth at one go. Poonaam, however, would have disowned me.

Their food is leafy and healthy. Their ice cream tastes great.


*Poonaam ordered the coconut ice cream because she is a coconut head. I ordered the banana split because it can't go wrong.

Their weasel-excrement coffee tastes better than it sounds.

It was easy to get around (Map needed for the first few instances maybe).

If you are a Vietnam War junkie, you would love the Cu chi tunnels and the war memorial museum. It is the country's military history preserved to show the tenacity, the intelligence and the sufferings of the Vietnamese. Their brilliant tactics against the bigger and better armed Americans can only be better understood if you visit the tunnels and their pain and ordeal can only be better felt if you visit the museum.

Cuchi tunnels guide, Duc. He likes his soldier outfit a lot. He goes into the smallest of tunnels and encourages us to do so too. Favourite words, "Gimme camera, I take picture of you and your friend."

Warning: Tunnels are bad for people who suffer from claustrophobia and arthritis. If you are an ang moh, you have ready made tunnels (fake ones) to let you "enjoy" the experience.

The going in is easier than the coming out.

Irony: Americans sitting in front of a heli their ancestors probably left behind.



Mekong River - 7th longest river in Asia, I think. The pineapples are goooood.

Vung Tau- the beach place.





And signs and names of places that were er.... interesting....

Must do: Cu chi and the Mekong. The Mekong was a great experience, even though we got ripped off there. One can even do an overnight Mekong boat trip to Cambodia.

With the Mekong river done, I now anxiously await to CONQUER the longest river in the word.