The Mummy and Dummy chronicles

Mummy: Did you tell the neighbour's daughter you were going to hell?

Dummy : Yes.

Mummy : Why??????!!!

Dummy : Because she asked me where I was going and I couldn't think of an interesting place.

My neighbour's daughter is 8 and no she is not annoying. I like her. She gives me candy once in a while.

Whenever the kid sees me going on a holiday, she asks me, "Kakak (elder sister) where you going?"

And so I tell her.. "Oz my dear," "Kakak going to lala land", "This time its Mars."

Soon, I exhausted my imaginary and not so imaginary options.

Hence, I resorted to Hell.

My Mummy did not have an issue with me saying I was going to Hell. Now, Why would she?

Her main gripe was that I said it to an 8 yr old. Hell, or specifically the plausible thought of its existence is apparently taboo for 8 yr olds.

Mummy: Apologise to the mom when you see her.

Dummy: Ok, why?

Mummy : Because the kid went around the house saying, 'Kakak going to hell', 'Kakak going to hell!' and she also asked her mother how to get to hell.

Dummy : Ah ok, I will speak to the mom and kid.

I know I shouldn't have told the kid I was going to hell. Its not right you know, putting bad ideas into a kid's head...

I should have just said Heaven...

I wonder how people would have reacted then.

When you are perfect and others are not...

The mother and I are watching TV.

I slouch on my sofa, with the cushions slipping off the edge of my seat, and start my constructive criticism:

She is fat. That top is not helping her.

Too much make-up.

My god, he looks retarded.

What a dumb look on her face?!

No sense of rhythm, no timing, no coordination.

He looks like a clown.

She looks stupid.

I think she went for a nose job...

STOP, says my mom. She is annoyed and I don't know why.

Mummy: Just because you are thin, doesn't mean you can make fun of others!

Dummy : Its worse if I make fun of them when I am fat.

Mummy: You must not be soo critical.. You don't know how you will look when you grow older.. You might become fat, your skin might sag, your hair will drop. Will you like it when people make fun of you then?

Dummy : Are you cursing me?

Mummy : And because you can dance, you think others can't issit?!

Dummy : Amma! That guy was baaaddd!!!!!

Mummy : Its not nice you know. Me and my sister don't say stuff like that about other people, especially girls.. because we have daughters too.. and we wouldn't want anyone to say anything about our girls. But you and your cousin are horrible.. always making fun of someone... Must always say something negative... You are like your athais (father's sisters).. They also love to criticise people.. like they are so perfect...

Dummy: (Silently wondering how many years of pent up frustrations caused this outburst)

Mummy : Are you listening to me?

Dummy : Yes yes and I am sorry... that I am perfect and talented and they are not.

My brother walks out of his room, glances at the TV screen and goes, "Who is that fat pig??!"

My mom is annoyed... and I still don't know why..

A place not too far away...

Next week this time...


I will be walking here....

I will be staying here....

I will be having a drink here...

I will be relaxing here...

And instead of that guy, it will be Me having a massage here!

I love massages (not in Singapore). I can do them as an activity. Over the years, massages have removed knots and aches in my bodies in minutes. Credit must go the masseurs, who are usually pint size, but exude so much of force and strength in the course of the massage. Never judge a masseur by her size. The smaller she is, the more powerful and painful your massage. Oh.. I learnt something else too. When they say, "Take out", you listen and take out... (almost) EVERYTHING...

Anyway...

My dad thinks its some romantic weekend getaway with a mystery boyfriend he doesn't know about.

Leave mystery aside, I didn't even know I had a boyfriend.

My mom thinks I am going with ten people, even though I told her its just my cousin and me.

My mom thinks she knows us well. So she says, "Just the two of you? You will be bored in an hour."

My cousin says, "Its ok if the resort doesn't provide hot water. As long as we have mosquito repellent I am fine." If you don't know her well, you would think she is fine about bathing in mosquito repellent.

I say, "We are either going to come back with TB or dengue."

My cousin says, "I rather come back with that... than return home with a hangover. Hangover susah la... What to tell my parents???"

I say, "I hope you get both dengue and TB."

Gaza Stripped

You can say its a strategy you adopt when you feel threatened but... its still a war crime.

You can find a "loophole" in the Geneva convention and exploit it but... its still a war crime.

You can say they started it but... its still a war crime.

You can claim you had no other choice but... its still a war crime.

You can say you were protecting your country but... its still a war crime.

Its a war crime.

And there are no two ways about it.

A recurring dream.

A dream that keeps coming back:

Me, a book, my Mp3 player, Mr. Dante and my thoughts on an island... far, far, far away from home...

Nice...

But where is the alcohol???!!!!

2009

The start of the year has been a discovery...

1) We play Taboo the best when we are high.

2) One of my close friends was in gymnastics in Secondary school. I am still recovering from the shock.

3) I am not as fast as Tony Jaa (the Ong bak dude).

4) Poonaam actually cares about the vessels she arrests.

5) I like a new anime character... Kawaiii...

6) I consciously measured my distance from a building to ensure I didn't breach the 5m -away- smoke law/rule/farce.

7) Kashmir can possibly experience peace.

8) I am more worried about losing my cigs than my handphone.

9) On Jan 1, I woke up and realised I forgot how to make Maggi.

10) Liverpool is still at the top of the table! My God...