.............

Do you remember how you used to wake me up in the mornings when we were young?

You will knock my head, repeatedly, with the TV remote and scream, "Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up."

Do you remember the first dance we did together?

We were eight and huge fans of Michael Jackson. And you told me, "Let's dance for Bad" and we did. Our relatives thought we were great, we thought we were good.

Do you remember the last dance we did together?

It was just three weeks ago. We danced for Timbaland's The Way You Are in Boz. And you told me, "Anu, even after all these years we still have it in us."

Do you remember the time we stole mangoes from the secondary school near my house?

We were 10, idle and bored. You told me, "We got to run as fast as we could. The fastest we have ever run ok?" I agreed. We gave each other reassuring grins and sprinted.

Do you remember the first computer game we completed together?

We were 11. It was Sega's Bare Knuckle. We were so shocked we actually completed the game that you said, "I can't believe this! We completed it! Lets play again."

Do you remember the time you saved my life?

We were 14. If not for your intervention, I would probably be dead or seriously injured. And you told me, "You want to die is it??!! I won't always be there, you know!"

Do you remember the first time I smoked?

It was with you when we were 15. You said, "I don't know whether you would like the taste. The first puff will be bad. Stop if you cough continuosly ok." You were right. The first puff was bad. I never told you this but I actually liked the taste the first time I tried it.

Do you remember the first time we went to a club?

We were 16. Its was an Indian club called Club 6. I recall the crowd being rowdy. And you told me, "Don't worry. Just stick by my side."

Do you remember my birthdays?

How you would always come with a bottle of alcohol, wish me "Happy Birthday" and sing one of my favourite songs....

Do you remember the last time you made Maggi for me?

It was at the end of July this year. You told me, "Hey, I did it differently this time. I think I like this the best. Shiok la! Try, try!" It was your best. I really liked it. You promised to make it again for me but on 25.08.08, I ended up making it for you for your 8th day funeral prayers.

I am sorry but I don't think it was good as yours.

I have known you for 25 years.

You are one of my first memories.

On that eventful night, 18.08.08, when you msged me in the afternoon asking me if I was free to meet you. I said No, I was tired.

I wish I had said Yes.

Almost all these nights, I lie awake in bed wondering what could have happened if I had agreed to meet you. Would you have gotten on that ill-fated bike? Or like always, would you have taken the train down to meet me... And possibly still be alive?

Its silly to feel guilty, said my brother.

Do not think about the "What Ifs", said your sister.

But I can't help it.

Because you are gone. The "What Ifs'" give me the chance to see you alive, smoking, drinking, dancing, singing and laughing.

Because I know you went through alot of pain before you gave up the fight. Your bones broken, your ribs shattered, your internal organs totally damaged and your blood lost on some street in Singapore. When I saw you lying there with multiple injuries, I saw your pain and I thought about the "What Ifs".

Because when your mom grabbed me and cried, "Everytime I see you, I think of the both of you when you were kids," I didn't know what to tell her. I tried my best to avoid her in the hospital.. but I couldn't. She cried in my arms shouting your name so loudly, telling me how much she had prayed for your well-being, asking me why must you leave at the age of 25, demanding me to bring you back. At that time, I thought about the "What Ifs".

Because when your sister collapsed on me in the house and told me, "Annan has left us. There is no more four of us, only three of us." I didn't know what to tell her. At that time, I thought about the "What Ifs".

Because when your dad, the ex-commando, who remained strong throughout the whole funeral, punched the prayer room in anger, I thought about the "What Ifs."

Because when I had to go buy your death-bed and all the food items and drinks you like, I thought about the "What Ifs."

Because I know you left this world without having many of your desires fulfilled, I thought about the "What Ifs".

You can be totally annoying... Seriously.. There have been times I felt like slapping you..

But you always apologised first and begged me for mercy. I remember telling you to stop being so shameless. And you told me, "Come on la.. Its only you. What's there to be shameless?"

I replied, "My child will call you Shameless Uncle." And you said, "Oh can can! Your child can call me whatever he wants but I just pray your kid will be alot cooler than you." And then you gave me that dumbest laugh of yours, which always sounded more like a cough.

I actually miss hearing that retarded laugh.

I try to hear that laugh in my head but it is always overpowered by your mom's cries.

Some of my best memories involved you.

And one of my worst memories is now because of you.

We fought, we laughed and we promised to always fight and laugh.

You broke it.

For once, it was not me.

And instead of me punishing you for breaking the promise, you punished us all.

You have left a void so huge, it can never be filled.

Every other thing I see, reminds me of you.

I will be fine. I know.

I pray you will be fine.

People tell me, "Time will heal all wounds."

It doesn't heal. It just makes the pain lesser.

And it leaves a scar.

People tell me, "He has gone to a better place."

Yes maybe you have. But I rather you be here with us in this not-so better place.

And I know for a fact you would want the same too.

Prithiviraj s/o Chandrakumar

09/12/1982 - 18/08/2008

Rest In Peace Brother

The Beijing Olympics

When I was slightly younger and naive, I wondered why almost all the old uncles I met said gymnastics was their favourite olympic sport.

They told me it was the grace, the elegance and the incredulity of the human body.

They did not tell me that it involved young girls in tights.

They did not tell me that these young girls in tights had great flexiblity.

And they did not tell me that these young girls in tights with great flexibility blossomed to become women with curvacious figures and eventually end up posing for the front page of a cover girl magazine edition.

Well.. at least now I know.

I love to watch gymnastics and no I cannot even touch my toes.

Its amazing how these gymnasts can train with so much of discipline and will power.

I am only good at sitting back, criticising and cheering on the Chinese gymnasts, who are propably underage.

But who cares about their age? What great difference is 2 or 3 years going to make anyway? You mean a professional gymnast can become less flexible in just 2 years?!! And what kind of nonsense is the younger you are, the less pressured you feel? Going by that theory all the young sportsmen will kick the asses of adult athletes. Professionalism and stress are objective to age. And seriously the younger and less inexperienced you are, the more distracted you can get in a new environment. Just ask all the pre-school and primary school teachers... they should know.

So US gymnast coach.. just admit the Chinese were better and stop publicly giving comments like, "We were as good as them" because you were not. Even if all the Chinese gymnasts were 30 yrs old, your team would have still lost the competition.

I am no expert gymnast but even I know that falling off the beam and stepping out of the line TWICE during the floor exercise is not the best way to go for gold. And given that your opponents are the hardworking Chinese who gave a wonderful performance, don't be unreasonable and expect for results you don't merit..

However, I must add that the US gymnasts themselves had better sense. They acknowledged the strength of the Chinese team and deemed them to be great opponents... so there is some hope in the spirit of sportsmanship.

Oh well, it has been an interesting Olympics thus far. I am rooting for China.

I want them to do well, to show that Asia should not be underestimated.

I want them to do well because personally I don't think anyone else works as hard as the Chinese athletes.

They were SIMPLY SUPERB in events like weightlifting and diving.

There was literally no competition.

And its also nice to see them winning gold in sports like fencing and archery.

They are expanding their horizons in more ways than one.

I hope the world can see what I see now, "A better and greater China."


*This post did not discuss Michael Phelps because I only talk about sportsmen from Planet Earth.

*This post did not discuss Usain Bolt because the last thing I want is for him to find out I blogged about him and dance that weird glory/ "I am great" dance of his. I don't think I would ever want to see the dance again. He should just stick to spirinting.

And now to sound patriotic, "Go Team Table Tennis Singapore made up of foreigners!"

I don't care if you are from mainland China, just TRY to give the 'REAL' Chinese a strong fight.

Afterall, you guys are wearing our national colours.. Its up to you to do this country proud.

Happy Birthday

Off late, I have heard this line too many times, "It sucks here la. I want to leave the country."

And all of it from people born after 1965 (post independence era).

So I asked, " What's so wrong with this country?"

And they say, " Lack of freedom, too materialistic, too grades-oriented, too fast paced, too competitive, too expensive.. everything la.. just everything.."

Whoa... I thought to myself...

That must REALLY SUCK... the lack of freedom, the materialism, the competition, the fast life.. It sucks more than corruption, violence, prejudice and discrimination, an unstable economy, instability and ineffiency...

WHAT FREEDOM DO YOU WANT?

So yes, we do lack freedom. We lack the freedom to post insensitive remarks on blogs that can incite racial tension. We lack the freedom to take to the streets and demand for a reduction in fuel prices and taxes... Like Thailand.. where the whole of Bangkok took the streets and demanded for a change in policy.. causing great chaos and instability to the capital state, resulting in investors fleeing out of the coutry. Yes, we lack the freedom to bribe our cops and wiggle our way out of sticky situations. Yes, we lack the freedom to spit and throw cig butts wherever we want because we have plain clothes NEA officers on the prowl. Yes, we lack the freedom to urine in lifts, vandalise public property, and speed in tunnels.

Goodness that sounds terrible. I guess we want more people to be able to spit and pee in public places.. and probably vandalise our void decks.

If not for these rules and regulations, we would have a chaotic, dirtier but totally cool Singapore.

Freedom comes with a price and I don't know about the others but I am not willing to pay for it.

Here, we have the freedom to lead our lives in the proper way we want. We have the freedom to practice the religion of our choice. And we have the freedom to stay out late at night and not worry too much about getting mugged, raped or decapitated.

Unlike other countries, where the night is a cloak for crime, here the night is about safe as the day.

We have the freedom to dirty dance in clubs and not worry about getting arrested for loose morals. If that ever happens, half of our (young) population will be behind bars.

EDUCATION

Singapore's education system is about grades. Its not wholesome. But rather than just complaining about it, why not take measures on your own? Go travel, learn new skills, enhance yourself and define "complete education" in your own terms. Who is going to stop you?

Why do you need the government to do everything for you?

The education system here is based solely on merit. Not on bumiputera policies like Malaysia, not on corruption like India, not on family status, not on elitism, not on favouritism...

Only one rule governs: Meritocracy.

You are good, you do well. Simple. Uncomplicated and what's that word? oh yes.. Fair.

Don't exploit the opportunities and then complain. A bit ungrateful sia...

EXPENSIVE LIFESTYLE

Its expensive to live anywhere in the world now. Rising prices is a global phenomenon. At least we don't have a 25% increase in inflation like Vietnam, the prices of our domestic goods have not multiplied manyfolds like Malaysia, we don't have a depreciating currency like USA, we don't have families going without food and our economy is not suffering because we had the foresight to cushion the effects.

If there is one thing I have learnt about world economies is this: It will always improve, no matter how great the setback is. Economies are alive, they breathe, they get hurt and they recover. Just have the patience to fight the lull period.

SMALL

We have to stay competitive because we are SMALL.

We have to be strict and disciplined because we are SMALL.

We cannot afford chaos and instability because we are SMALL.

A small act will cause us great damage simply because we are SMALL.

The smaller you are, the harder you must fight to survive. Its a survival of the fittest. Its Darwin's theory man, so cut the country some slack.

Many a time when I travel, I get disturbed by the uncleanliness of a country, annoyed with the ineffiency of their services (airport, trains, immigrations etc) and fear their unsafe nights.

I come home and the Changi Airport is all I need to make me feel fortunate and privileged. I enjoy my time overseas very much but coming back home is really not too bad : )

The airport always reminded me of what the country is all about: Clean, efficient and safe.

And I don't see what is so wrong with paying more for a efficient transport system, a hygienic environment and a crime safe neighbourhood.

You cannot expect perfect competency for zero dollars. That is not possible. You want effiency then at least be willing to pay a little for it.. if not just don't expect to get any.

Over the last two months, I had the chance to meet two elderly teachers. Each with teaching experience of over 20++ years. One of them is 73 and the other is 69. They are both from the minority race and honestly, I have not met anyone more patriotic than them. They speak highly of this country simply because they love the country. They saw Singapore take its baby steps, reach puberty and mature gracefully. From teaching in classes with no electricity to currently teaching in classes with projectors, they saw this country struggle, survive and flourish.

And they both said that its a great feat for this country to have achieved so much in 43 years.

Yes it is. Turn the pages of the history books and we will know that the lives we are leading now didn't come in a silver platter. Its people of the pre-independence era who worked hard, for people like you and me to have a better life in Singapore. Its people like those teachers who made the sacrifices so that we don't have to make any now. They were part of our country's growth. We are just basking in their hardwork.

Singapore has turned us into spoilt brats. We are pathetic, ignorant, obnoxious, pampered and we complain about everything under the sun while our ass sits safely in luxury.

I do get perturbed with some policies and decisions made by the government. I try to see the bigger picture. I try to comprehend their decision making. Sometimes I get it and sometimes I don't...

But at least I am not ungrateful.

I owe this country for what it has offered me.

Nur Dianah Suhaimi, in her ST article on Aug 10, "Feeling like the least favourite child" spoke about how as a Malay, she had always been told that she had to work twice as hard to prove her worth.

Its understandable.

As a minority you MIGHT have to work harder but that doesn't mean you are deprived of the privileges. You reap what you sow. So maybe its not a PERFECTLY fair system but it beats a not-so-fair system hands down.

She spoke about the government's lack of trust in the minority race. Trust takes time to build and when it concerns national security it will take eons to build.

If some newspaper article tells me, Indians in Singapore are not drinking as much, I would be shell shocked. I will not believe the article.

Why? Because drinking is a stigma attached to Indians.

Sometimes stigmas can never be broken.

And rather than lamenting about it, I would prefer to use the oppotunities given to me and show that not ALL Indians stick to the stigmas stuck in your head.

Also, I rather be a minority here than anywhere else. At least here I have my equal rights.

Sigh.. its a looong post. One that was in the making for a loong time.

I know I sound patriotic.

I may even seem like a government stooge.

You might think I like to "carry their balls".

You can put it any way you want.

But to me its just logical. It makes sense.

I like this too clean, too safe and too efficient environment.

I don't see how it can be bad.

In fact, I want Singapore to do better.

Singapore does well, we do well.

It makes perfect sense...

Happy Birthday Singapore.