Dressing Right

It was THE day. The "Dressing Right" course was about to start in 5 minutes.

To prove Everyone a (futile) point, I was dressed in black pants, a red long sleeved shirt, a formal jacket, covered shoes (with heels) and frameless glasses.

And to top it off, I carried a small briefcase.

I knew I looked good. In fact, I didn't know how great I actually looked.

So yes, I walk in to the seminar room, looking all professional and smart, when the horrific sight infront of me halts me at my heels.

My course instructor stood there dressed like a FREAKINg TAI-TAI! LIKE A FREAKING MAMASAN!

She wore bright pink eye-shadow, had thick eye liner, her face was the foundation for THE FOUNDATION, her hair was AH-LIAN to the max, her fingers glittered in gold (rings) and her lip stick was ORANGE!

How can anyone walk out of the house dressed like that? How can any sane person not laugh at her?

Well, apparently my course mates didn't find her hideously funny. Most were oblivious to her existence. See, I am a true believer of ignorance. In fact, I preach it in my sleep. But to not notice that travesty of a "Thing" in front of you means YOU DESERVE DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!

And you know, for a minute I actually thought that she was dressed like that to teach us how one should not dress... BUT NOOOOOOOOOO... She naturally dressed that artificially.

It was a torturous 4 hours... After a while, all the colours on her dress started spiralling. I told myself I absolutely cannot die now, in her presence, especially since I am dressed like this and she is dressed like that! Its insulting man... to my death and to my existence...

She spoke bad English too. And for once, I wanted to be blind and not deaf.

I took a picture of her to show my boss. To prove a point that my dressing is way much better than hers and that if he sent me for similar courses, I would dress like her and come to work.

He tells me, "Actually, I don't really care what you wear. As long as its decent, I am fine."

Me: Then why did you send me for that course?

He: Oh just to tell you how dressing wrong can leave a lasting impression .

Me: Noted. I shall aim to leave a lasting impression then.

He: Then, you probably won't last long here.

Me: Noted. I shall aim to leave a good lasting impression then.

Around the world in smoky days

When Christopher Columbus sailed around the world, he claimed that he wanted to explore exotic lands and learn about different people sharing the planet with him. He believed that the world was a vast treasure trove of riches.

He is so right man. But I have to tell him something.

You see Mr Chris, you don't exactly need to travel to a particular country to experience its riches.

Look at me, I am pretty stationary most of the time for my hormone pumping age, but I have experienced the riches of many countries... Shucks, why be polite? I have literally tasted the riches of many countries.

Every single time, a colleague in my office goes overseas, I get cigars, cigarettes, lighters and freaking ash trays as souveniers. The first two being the most common.

Everyone else will get some pretty gift. Mine is always something tobacco related. They are encouraging my habit and should be held responsible for my premature death.

So Mr Chris without travelling, I have tasted:

1) South Africa
2) Cuba
3) Egypt
4) Lebanon
5)Taiwan
6) China
7) Cambodia
8) Indonesia
9) USA
10) Hong Kong
11) Brunei
12) Turkey

P.S: Just to add, this cigarettes are not the Marlboros MADE in INDONESIA or CHINA kind. They are contrabrand "delicacies" in their countries. China has a cig flavour called coconut honey. I know the name sounds kinky but surprisingly it tastes really good.

Anyway, I will soon be tasting the tobacco flavours of:

1) Japan
2) Kenya
3) Laos
4) Mexico

Since my colleagues are willingly cultivating my habit, I would like to know if any of my FRIENDS would like to help me out too? I know a moron friend of mine is going Europe soon, maybe she would like to set the example for the other interested parties and get me a stick from Italy?

If anyone else is eager to help me taste more flavours of this world, please drop me a message, I will get back to you asap.

Currently, I am smoking a stick from Cambodia, tapping the ash into my China ashtray (which is actually a urinal, with a guy pressing his dick against the wall of the urinal) and eating ANTELOPE JERKY(which doesn't taste that great) from South Africa.

Now this Mr Chris is globalisation. I call it smoking without borders.

Champions

On a particular weekday, 9 years ago, I went to my JC classes stoned, drained, exhausted and extremely happy. Man U had won the Champions league, in a manner which gave me cardiac arrest.

9 years down the road, I did the same. I went to work today with 30 mins of sleep, drained, exhausted and highly ecstatic. Man U had won in similar style.

And you know what, I am not a big fan of superlatives but I do think It's the BEST club in the world...

Thank you red devils for the memories, the victories and the heart attacks...

Why I like Rain...

Of late, I like Rain. I have turned a blind eye to his small eyes and rather flat nose, I am usually not this "un-superficial". BUT ALL I see now are his abs and HEEP-HOPE (Korean accent) dance moves. So just to share my new found kimchi love.. I uploaded these videos.

This song currently runs in repeat mode on my mp3 player.










Though the last video didn't feature Rain as much the other two... I HAD to put it in.. for purely aesthetic reasons, of course.

There are alot more videos of Rain dancing but I am not going to put them up because its... 11.20pm.