A few months ago, I was accused of sexual harassment at work. Trust me, its every civil servant's dream. Its the closest you can get to excitement in a dull environment with remote possibilities.
Apparently, I pounced on the victim, like a Predator would on its Prey.
Irony No. 1: Prey(victim) was twice the size of the Predator(Me)
Irony No. 2: Prey was a female.
Irony No. 3: Prey was an aunty with 2 kids!
Irony No. 4: No one believed me when I said I had better taste.
I have to exonerate myself today.
So this is what transpired......
Prey and I work on different floors. But I meet her daily, for a substantial amount of time to clear off reports. Our daily chatter ranges from staple bullets to bras. Like any other day, we were happily yapping away about the banalities of life. But since I am a real smooth operator, I HAD to initiate THE teasingly charming conversation which would eventually lead to my downfall....
Predator: You know your hair is really smooth and silky... it puts Rapunzel to shame.
Prey: Aiyoh... Thank you la.
Predator: Its the truth. Even when the wind blows, your hair flies beautifully and returns perfectly back to place.
Prey: Seriously? Hey you know my husband also never said something like that. When I cut my hair also he never notice.
Warning sign number 1; Totally ignored by Predator.
Predator: Oh ok. Then I guess we just have to get Uncle some specs to see you better. He might just be able to see all your other hidden charms....
Predator winks at Prey.
On hindsight, Predator thinks she should not have done that.
Prey: (Laughs) You ah... so cheeky..I want to pinch your cheeks...
Warning sign number 2; Totally flew past predator.
Prey walks away to get something from her table.
Predator could have just smiled and kept quiet.
But No, Predator was in full swing that day. Wasn't quite satisfied with the relish.
Predator: I feel like pinching your cheeks too...
A rather harmless comment you might think. But put a context to it and the dynamics change.
Imagine this, Prey is walking away from Predator when Predator delivers that last line. Meaning, Prey's back is facing the Predator. Upon hearing that comment, Prey turns. And Predator is doing an action with her fingers. She is "tweaking the air" or contextually implying pinching Prey's cheeks. Predator has a "perverted"(or so witnesses say) grin on her face. This is accompanied by a chee-ko-peh (or so the same witnesses say) raising of the eyebrows.
And did I mention that my tweaking the air action was done with my hands not raised? I was actually tweaking the air with my hands low by my side. Anatomically speaking, near the rear of a person whose back is facing me.
To cut the story short; It seemed like I wanted to pinch her butt (cheeks)
Her colleagues started laughing and making wolf whistles.
They said I was the Prey's toy girl. Some moron mentioned playmate but lets not get into that.
At that instant, I felt like a sex object.
Prey was basking in the hilarity that ensued, leaving me to bask in embarassment.
The Next Day....
BOSS: I heard you sexually harassed an aunty?! What's wrong with you? Send you to a place to get the job done and you are caught with your pants down.
Me: Wait.. Who told you?
BOSS: So it is you la! I knew it.
Me: I don't understand... What are you saying?
BOSS: I was having lunch with Miss X (person spoke on the basis of anonymity) and she said that one of my people harassed her female colleague....
Me: And so what did you say?
BOSS: I asked her if it was this skinny bespectacled Indian girl.
Factual interlude: 5 of my other colleagues work in that office too. 2 are testosterone pumping males.
Me: Why? Why did you think it was me??????? (I rattle off my colleagues name)... They work there also you know!
BOSS: I just thought it would be you and it seems like I was right...
Me: (Sighs) Ya you are. Really, the whole thing is a joke. Everything got misinterpreted.
BOSS: Try telling a sexually harassed victim that.
Me: Ya right. I was the victim.... I was the one who left embarassed.
BOSS: But still.. Why an Ah-so?!!!
At that instant, I knew a wall would have given me greater comfort. It wouldn't have replied but at least it would have listened.
Anyway, I was acquitted. They dropped "all charges" against me. Its because the Prey is a good Catholic who has willingly "turned the other cheek" in the hope I would change my erred ways.
I saw the Prey recently at Bugis. We spoke for quite a while actually. I refrained from compliments and topics that could cause "bodily" harm. I even managed to walk by her side and not get stuck behind her in the crowded alleys of the Bugis Village.
Its good to be safe than sorry.
And it sucks to have bad ass luck.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Molly.
She gave me an awkward smile, one that was shy at its contours but warm in its character. I returned it with a grin and a tiny wave. She acquiesced and looked away.
That was our third meeting in the rather busy corridors of our office building. Many a time, we have walked passed each other, to the ladies, to the pantry and to the water cooler but somehow failed to acknowledge each other since our preoccupied minds rendered us unresponsive to the surroundings.
A few days later, she made the first move. We both were in the lift alone. With our defense mechanism in play, we willingly positioned ourselves at the corners of the lift. She on the left corner and me on the right; separated solely yet appropriately by a spacious silence that refused to budge. Her first question to me dispensed the obligatory and disposed the silence.
********************************************************
I had a difficult time deciphering her question. And when I said, “Pardon?” and edged myself closer to hear her better; the silence returned, this time abruptly. She hurried out once the lift door opened.
I saw her again in the evening when I was at the car park having my private time with Mr Nicotine. She seemed to be waiting for someone. I decided to go introduce myself.
I extended my hand, said my name, and waited. She hesitantly clasped my hand, shook it weakly and whispered her name. I didn’t catch it. But I wasn’t going to say Pardon again and cause her to flee. So I asked her, “Can I call you Molly? I remember English names better.” The word MOLLY was sprawled boldly across the T-shirt she was wearing.
Confusion diffused across her face. She did not reply… but she didn’t leave either. So I repeated myself, this time gesturing to the name on her T-shirt as well. She took the time to process it and nodded vigorously.
“Ok cool,” I smiled and proceeded with small talk. She replied whenever she wanted to. Her answers were at first uncertain and meek. But after my constant prattle she became more spirited and upbeat. We soon parted ways, heading back to our respective offices, thinking about our recent encounter.
***************************************************
Molly and I are friends now. She gives me chocolates when she can. She accompanies me to all my smoke and coffee breaks though she is a non-smoker and non-coffee drinker. When she can’t come, she apologizes profusely.
I am still getting to know her. Every other day, I learn something new about her. Sometimes our conversations are peppered with reticence but not once are they discomforting. Molly is very imaginative; my prosaic mind seriously can’t keep up. She scrutinizes the smoke I blow out and remarks on the supposed shapes it takes. She said its like looking at the clouds and figuring out what they could possibly be. Apparently, I once blew out a witch’s hat. I argued with her saying that it looks more like a broom and she earnestly asked me whether I was referring to a witch’s broom or a Harry Potter’s broom. I couldn’t help but laugh and so did she.
***************************************************
Molly likes to visit KL. She likes the colours blue and white because they represent the sky. She likes iced milo and curry puffs. She loved watching Under One Roof. She loved her grandmother who passed away recently. She cycles in the weekends. She prays to God every night before she sleeps. She is terrified of the dark and she is still afraid of people.
“Why are you afraid of people?” I asked her one day.
Silence.
“cause they scared of me” she replied softly, with her head dipped.
I could not comfort Molly with lies. I could not tell her, “No. People are not scared of you!” Because human beings are generally scared of anyone or anything that stands out of their defined circle of normalcy. We are quick to judge and equally quick to ignore.
Molly suffers from mild Down syndrome.
Molly doesn’t need sympathizers, why should she? She is capable, funny and unlike most has a good heart to boot.
Though... Molly can do without those weird looks and the lack of reciprocation in acknowledgement.
Just like how we can do without our insensibility and oblivion.
Till today I do not know her real name. I didn’t see the need to ask her again. One day, I probably will.
But even then, it makes no difference to me.
She will always be Molly to me.
I know she likes the way I say her name or rather the way I sing her name.
And I like the way she never says mine :)
I understand Molly better now.
I hope more people do in time to come.
That was our third meeting in the rather busy corridors of our office building. Many a time, we have walked passed each other, to the ladies, to the pantry and to the water cooler but somehow failed to acknowledge each other since our preoccupied minds rendered us unresponsive to the surroundings.
A few days later, she made the first move. We both were in the lift alone. With our defense mechanism in play, we willingly positioned ourselves at the corners of the lift. She on the left corner and me on the right; separated solely yet appropriately by a spacious silence that refused to budge. Her first question to me dispensed the obligatory and disposed the silence.
********************************************************
I had a difficult time deciphering her question. And when I said, “Pardon?” and edged myself closer to hear her better; the silence returned, this time abruptly. She hurried out once the lift door opened.
I saw her again in the evening when I was at the car park having my private time with Mr Nicotine. She seemed to be waiting for someone. I decided to go introduce myself.
I extended my hand, said my name, and waited. She hesitantly clasped my hand, shook it weakly and whispered her name. I didn’t catch it. But I wasn’t going to say Pardon again and cause her to flee. So I asked her, “Can I call you Molly? I remember English names better.” The word MOLLY was sprawled boldly across the T-shirt she was wearing.
Confusion diffused across her face. She did not reply… but she didn’t leave either. So I repeated myself, this time gesturing to the name on her T-shirt as well. She took the time to process it and nodded vigorously.
“Ok cool,” I smiled and proceeded with small talk. She replied whenever she wanted to. Her answers were at first uncertain and meek. But after my constant prattle she became more spirited and upbeat. We soon parted ways, heading back to our respective offices, thinking about our recent encounter.
***************************************************
Molly and I are friends now. She gives me chocolates when she can. She accompanies me to all my smoke and coffee breaks though she is a non-smoker and non-coffee drinker. When she can’t come, she apologizes profusely.
I am still getting to know her. Every other day, I learn something new about her. Sometimes our conversations are peppered with reticence but not once are they discomforting. Molly is very imaginative; my prosaic mind seriously can’t keep up. She scrutinizes the smoke I blow out and remarks on the supposed shapes it takes. She said its like looking at the clouds and figuring out what they could possibly be. Apparently, I once blew out a witch’s hat. I argued with her saying that it looks more like a broom and she earnestly asked me whether I was referring to a witch’s broom or a Harry Potter’s broom. I couldn’t help but laugh and so did she.
***************************************************
Molly likes to visit KL. She likes the colours blue and white because they represent the sky. She likes iced milo and curry puffs. She loved watching Under One Roof. She loved her grandmother who passed away recently. She cycles in the weekends. She prays to God every night before she sleeps. She is terrified of the dark and she is still afraid of people.
“Why are you afraid of people?” I asked her one day.
Silence.
“cause they scared of me” she replied softly, with her head dipped.
I could not comfort Molly with lies. I could not tell her, “No. People are not scared of you!” Because human beings are generally scared of anyone or anything that stands out of their defined circle of normalcy. We are quick to judge and equally quick to ignore.
Molly suffers from mild Down syndrome.
Molly doesn’t need sympathizers, why should she? She is capable, funny and unlike most has a good heart to boot.
Though... Molly can do without those weird looks and the lack of reciprocation in acknowledgement.
Just like how we can do without our insensibility and oblivion.
Till today I do not know her real name. I didn’t see the need to ask her again. One day, I probably will.
But even then, it makes no difference to me.
She will always be Molly to me.
I know she likes the way I say her name or rather the way I sing her name.
And I like the way she never says mine :)
I understand Molly better now.
I hope more people do in time to come.
Monday, January 14, 2008
The wonderful world of Disney.
The Disney life I always wanted.....
1) Live in Agrabah, the enchanting world of Aladdin.
2) Have a genie and a magic carpet at my disposal.
3) Have Nala from Lion King and Bagheera from Jungle Book as my pets.
4) Have the paraiah(stray) dog Tramp, fetch my newspaper every morning.
5) Have a gigantic library like the Beast.
6) Marry someone who looks like Aladdin, has a body like Tarzan and a personality like Quasimodo.
7) Ride in a pumpkin with wheels.
8) Swim like Ariel.
9) Part traffic like the Prince of Egypt.
10) Have Jasmine and Cinderella as my maids. Jasmine for visual apparaisal and Cinderella obviously for her vast experience in the domestic domain.
11) Have Anastasia sing me a lullaby every night.
12) Have Timon and Pumba for entertainment.
13) Have Mushu (the dragon from Mulan) as my guardian spirit. Cool....
14) Have my very own Grandmother Willow (the talking tree from Pocahontas) in my backyard. Though mine would be called Aatha Aalamaram (Grandmother Banyan) or somthing along those lines.
15) Have an exotic friend who hails from Atlantis. Princess Kida would be perfect but I am flexible. Anyone from any other lost empire would do. And if you HAPPEN to look like Princess Kida and you HAPPEN to have mystical powers then... I HAPPEN to strike gold, lottery and jackpot all on the same day.
16) Have Stitch as my chauffeur so he can drive me around in his spaceship.
17) Always be a brat like Peter Pan.
18) Go "solar surfing" atop a rocket (an alternative to windsurfing) like Jim Hawkins from Treasure Planet.
19) Have a mom like Mrs Potts :(
And....
20) Have Bambi for dinner.
1) Live in Agrabah, the enchanting world of Aladdin.
2) Have a genie and a magic carpet at my disposal.
3) Have Nala from Lion King and Bagheera from Jungle Book as my pets.
4) Have the paraiah(stray) dog Tramp, fetch my newspaper every morning.
5) Have a gigantic library like the Beast.
6) Marry someone who looks like Aladdin, has a body like Tarzan and a personality like Quasimodo.
7) Ride in a pumpkin with wheels.
8) Swim like Ariel.
9) Part traffic like the Prince of Egypt.
10) Have Jasmine and Cinderella as my maids. Jasmine for visual apparaisal and Cinderella obviously for her vast experience in the domestic domain.
11) Have Anastasia sing me a lullaby every night.
12) Have Timon and Pumba for entertainment.
13) Have Mushu (the dragon from Mulan) as my guardian spirit. Cool....
14) Have my very own Grandmother Willow (the talking tree from Pocahontas) in my backyard. Though mine would be called Aatha Aalamaram (Grandmother Banyan) or somthing along those lines.
15) Have an exotic friend who hails from Atlantis. Princess Kida would be perfect but I am flexible. Anyone from any other lost empire would do. And if you HAPPEN to look like Princess Kida and you HAPPEN to have mystical powers then... I HAPPEN to strike gold, lottery and jackpot all on the same day.
16) Have Stitch as my chauffeur so he can drive me around in his spaceship.
17) Always be a brat like Peter Pan.
18) Go "solar surfing" atop a rocket (an alternative to windsurfing) like Jim Hawkins from Treasure Planet.
19) Have a mom like Mrs Potts :(
And....
20) Have Bambi for dinner.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Banana Politics
Musharraf: "I'm not a feudal and I'm not a tribal I have been brought up in a very educated and civilized family which believes in values, which believes in principles, which believes in character.My family, by any imagination, is not a family which believes in killing people, assassinating, intriguing... She (Bhutto) was informed of the threat to her, the first time about three to four weeks back when she wanted to go to the same place"
Me : Yeah only feudal lords, tribal people and uneducated barbarians believe in killing and assassinating. Or so history tells us.... Does it not? Can barbarians spell ASSASSINATE???!! GASP!!!
Musharraf: "The intelligence agencies knew there was a threat and we told her not to go. ...So therefore she went on her own volition, ignoring the threat."
Me Thinking: She was asking for it man. Come on shoot me, shooooot me in the head!!!
Musharraf: "Nobody gets hurt (inside the car), only when she ... decides to rise above the sunroof, Who is to be blamed for her coming out of her vehicle?"
Me Thinking: Absolutely! Can't blame you when she exercised her will and decided to stand and wave to the people who love her and who had been waiting for hours to see her... I would have told her to just sit comfortably in the car and raise ONLY her arm above the sunroof and wave to her people... Imagine a fair pretty hand waving happily at the ardent supporters... And also if the gunman had missed, she COULD have had the last laugh by simply clenching her fist and slowly extending her middle finger high above the sunroof. What better way than the finger diplomacy to initiate her democratic campaign ?
Musharraf maintained Pakistan was capable of managing its own affairs and conducting the investigation, saying it was no "banana republic."
I do not think its a banana republic.
However, I do think the leader is a banana brain. Whatever that means I am not exactly sure. But its certainly not a compliment.
Sources: Yahoo News Online, CNN online and my goreng pisang brain which is currently online too.
Me : Yeah only feudal lords, tribal people and uneducated barbarians believe in killing and assassinating. Or so history tells us.... Does it not? Can barbarians spell ASSASSINATE???!! GASP!!!
Musharraf: "The intelligence agencies knew there was a threat and we told her not to go. ...So therefore she went on her own volition, ignoring the threat."
Me Thinking: She was asking for it man. Come on shoot me, shooooot me in the head!!!
Musharraf: "Nobody gets hurt (inside the car), only when she ... decides to rise above the sunroof, Who is to be blamed for her coming out of her vehicle?"
Me Thinking: Absolutely! Can't blame you when she exercised her will and decided to stand and wave to the people who love her and who had been waiting for hours to see her... I would have told her to just sit comfortably in the car and raise ONLY her arm above the sunroof and wave to her people... Imagine a fair pretty hand waving happily at the ardent supporters... And also if the gunman had missed, she COULD have had the last laugh by simply clenching her fist and slowly extending her middle finger high above the sunroof. What better way than the finger diplomacy to initiate her democratic campaign ?
Musharraf maintained Pakistan was capable of managing its own affairs and conducting the investigation, saying it was no "banana republic."
I do not think its a banana republic.
However, I do think the leader is a banana brain. Whatever that means I am not exactly sure. But its certainly not a compliment.
Sources: Yahoo News Online, CNN online and my goreng pisang brain which is currently online too.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
U for USA
Whenever my mom called me a "stupid child", I sought comfort in this video.
I felt better...every single time.
I felt better...every single time.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
2008
What I want for the New Year....
1) To get brains like Michael Scofield.
2) To be as analytical as Michael Scofield.
3) To be as ingenious as Michael Scofield so I can break out of Changi Prison, in case I land up there. I cannot really trust my certain lawyer friend whose name starts with P and ends with M to get me acquitted.
AND.....
4) For Poonaam to become a nicer person with nicer hair.
Thats all I guess..... since I am not a very greedy person.
1) To get brains like Michael Scofield.
2) To be as analytical as Michael Scofield.
3) To be as ingenious as Michael Scofield so I can break out of Changi Prison, in case I land up there. I cannot really trust my certain lawyer friend whose name starts with P and ends with M to get me acquitted.
AND.....
4) For Poonaam to become a nicer person with nicer hair.
Thats all I guess..... since I am not a very greedy person.
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