East Asia.

When I read that anime will be used as a soft power tool to harness Japan's foreign policy and diplomacy, I screamed "Yatta!!", Hiro Nakamura style. Not like I contributed to the decision-making but still... I had to express my joy. Joseph Nye will understand.

When for the SECOND time I read about Miss China's winning of the crown gaining world recognition for Asian beauties, I screamed "Idiots!", my BOSS's style. Yes, Miss China is beautiful and her win is certainly a win for Asia. Michelle Something, whose last name I didn't bother to remember, a journalist at the Straits Times, REITERATED China and Japan's wins at the 2007 beauty pageants as making "ASIA proud." If due to your initial lack of understanding of what Asia truly means, leads you to define anything East Asian as the perfect representation of Asia, I can forgive you. Because I am naturally a forgiving person. But if you repeat the same mistake through the same public medium, within a span of few weeks, you deserve to be criticised for your ignorance, stupidity, whatever you want to call it. India's wins were never mentioned to be ASIAN wins, were never said to be "finally an appreciation of Asian beauties" because India had miraculosly disappeared from their Atlas. Oh.. when the Straits Times compliments Indians, trust me, I will remember every single word of it.

To say East Asian beauty signifies Asia, which is home to more than 60% of the world population, is an insult to the cultural diversity of the continent, is a snub at all pretty Asian women who do not look remotely Chinese, is a taunt at those Thai and Filippino beauties who have won Miss Photogenic and Best National Costume over the years.

All the local newspaper had to do was add an EAST infront of the Asia, when required. That would have made the articles a legitimate read.

A proportional representation is not necessarily a fair one so do not assume it to be.

Thanni (Alcohol) and Tamilans

Venue: Brewski Jones

Time: 8.30pm to 3am

Date: 29/12/07

Main Cast: MANY MANY JUGS of ALCOHOL (I lost count)

Not so main but 'still crucial to the plot' cast: 15 Tamilans + 1 Manjathi + 1 Manjan affectionately known as Muthu.

Guest apperance: The very nice Portugese bartender Samantha aka Sam, who is probably very nice because she is not local.

Put all these together and you get......

1) A very happy bar owner

2) A very happy group of tamilans and manjans

3) Every heartland's nightmare.

4) Every parent's "I just hope my kids don't end up like them" nightmare

5) Many hilarious moments

6) A pee guard who had to be on a lookout when his friends had to relieve themselves coz the nearest public toilet was nowhere in sight.

7) Alot of noise accompanied by ALOT of crap accompanied by a few stoned yet funny faces.

8) Tamilans who started saying "CHEERS" for no real rhyme or reason. Eg: "Her glass is empty! Cheers mike!!!" or "We need to pee! Cheers mike!" or "He is not drinking! Cheers mike!" And at once we fell silent because a friend not drinking is not something to cheer about. So we continued... "We realised we shouldn't say Cheers for something so sad! Cheers mike!!!"

9) Conversation topics that ranged from "The true definition of satire" to "Renal diseases" to "If we open a Makkaleh Club, it will surely be an entrepreneurial disaster."

10) No flying jugs or mugs, no fighting, no misunderstandings. Just a mutual sharing of endearing vulgarities. And yes did I mention, Loads of fun??




The one in white is Samantha.

Everyone else is not important.

But what is important is,

a) How we have effortlessly made our forefathers proud

b) How we have lived up to the expectations of our Tamilan culture

and....

c) How we have affirmed our heritage

Woo hoo!

Identity revisited.

Thailand

Apparently, I look Thai.

Apparently, my friend looks South African. Specifically, he looks like Sean Kingston. ????????!!!

Apparently, if you are from Singapore you speak Chinese. Imagine my shock when an Indian immigrant working in Patong starts rattling off in Mandarin when he discovers we are from Ching-cha-pore. I was too stunned to even swear in the very little Hokkien I knew. He was too stunned to even reply when he realised not all Singaporeans speak Chinese.

Malaysia

Apparently, I look Malay. So the locals speak to me in malay and I just nod my head coz its not that difficult to decipher. But in a matter of 5 minutes I am put to test... coz my answers would be in English.... And then comes the much awaited dramatic lines.

Local: YOU NOT MALAY???!!!!

Me: No.

Local: You mean you not MUSLIM??!!

Me: No.

Local: You mean YOU NOT SPEAK MELAYU?

Me: No.......

Local: You LOOK MALAY!

Me: ISSIT?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But Me Indian.

I almost apologised for not being Malay. I hate disappointing people.

India

Local: You mean you Indian??????

Me: Yes.

Local: You are Tamil??????!!!

Me: Yes.

Local: All this while I spoke to you in English because I didn't think you knew Tamil. Are you mixed?

Me: No......

Local : Like maybe your grandparents are Chinese or something?

Me: No. I am all Indian. 100%

The Motherland doesn't recognise me. Thailand and Malaysia think I am of native blood. My dad's friend from Hong Kong says I look Nepalese??!!! In Australia, I am probably an aborigine. In Vietnam, I would be one of the Hmongs(hill tribe). My relatives think I am a meenah with a mat boyfriend secretly in tow. And.... my mother thinks I am retarded. Which unfortunately is the closest to the truth.... by far.....

Well, I blame it on my hair. What else could it possibly be?

But I refuse to sacrifice my short tress for a permanent identity.

Even if it means failing security clearance every single time I leave ANY country.

Kata.

It is past midnight. I am sitting at my room balcony, having a smoke and looking down at the young girl playing with her ball. There is no one else on the street. Almost all the shops there are closed. The minimal lighting of the street lamps impairs neither her sight nor her judgement. She moves quickly and confidently exhibiting her familiarity with the street. The location of each and every pebble on the road is mapped accurately in her young mind as she skillfully skips to avoid them from cutting her bare feet.

She tries not to make too much of noise as she knows the foreigners staying there wouldn’t like it. But the sheer thrill of throwing the ball high into the air and seeing it land completely in a few bounces was too much for her to contain. Her occasional high throws and her immediate “look around” check to see if her action had stirred anyone, made her finally catch my eye. It was a brief moment in which we shared a slight discomfort. I could see her awaiting my reaction. When I nonchantly continued blowing smoke rings into the night sky, she continued with her playing; her feeling of relief almost instantly restored.

Its your country my dear. Its your street. The one in which you grew up, the one in which you made friends, the one in which you work and play and the one which you call your home. You should play as you please and not worry about us. We are the tourists who know nothing about your daily struggle to survive. We are the customers who seek to exploit your country's exchange rate. We are those transitory entities that land at your doorstep hoping to indulge in constant debauchery. We are those foreigners who pay to infringe your space and lives.

And with the warmth and kindness your people have shown us, we are obliged to pay more. But how do you place a price for sincerity and magnanimity? Well, I don’t know. But I do know what I have to offer; a permanent place in my heart for each and every face and smile that has made my trip that more memorable. My humble fee of remembrance for your generosity makes me less indebted.

Kata… you have been good to me. Thank you.

I'll be back....

The Mum: What time you leaving?

Me: Around 5pm.

The Mum: Can leave earlier or not? I need to use the computer in your room before I go out.

Me: Ya sure. I will just wait at the neighbour's house till the time is right to leave.

The Mum: Don't be crazy la. Just go early and wait at the airport.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Only I will need a wakeup call at 3pm reminding me "our flight is today, not tomorrow but today!"

Only I will publish a post on the blog and watch a Bleach episode before rushing like mad to the airport.

ชอบมากค่ะ (I like alot)

Packing is troublesome, especially when you run out of space to put in your powerpuff girl's ball, ping pong gun, rubik's cube, sparklers, light sticks, 2 universal adapters + 2 3point plugs + A few chargers + A few USB cables, and a basketball that insists on being deflated.

Packing sucks. And I have not even started on the ostentatious, not so important items, like toiletries and clothes.

Time has not run out.. YET. So I shall take a break from the mind boggling packing to contemplate on the trip I will embark tomorrow.

Why do I like Phuket....




The beach is pretty. Nice scenery. Beats the one I usually wake up to every other morning which is a dull combination of a HDB block and a rubbish dump. But you see the only swimming I can do, is in my mind, when I am really high. So the beach not that exciting.



The exchange rate is great. With alot of Sing dollars you can do alot of things which you can only dream of doing in Singapore. Like go for 3 consecutive massages AND THEN almost immediately bungee jump off a cliff AND THEN continue the adventure by swimming to the yacht you have rented and sailing away into the sea. The AND THENs can go on forever coz with money your opportunities in Thailand are endless.



The food... Well anything tasty and spicy enough to burn my liver, I eat in large quantities with great fervour. The food is indeed a god-sent.



Bia(Beer), Bia, Bia, Bia! A LARGE Singha costs 60 Baht, which is about 2.80 in Sing dollars. I rest my case.

So the beer, the beach, the exchange rate and the food attract tourists in hordes.

But undoubtedly the MOTHER of all attractions(for ME at least) would be

THE KATOEYS or The Lady Boys or the Transvestites! They add that extra spice to Thailand's tourism industry. I am sure there are many, like me, who are fascinated by this beautiful creatures. My fascination is purely aesthetic. Only see, no touch. So Phuket show me your best lady boys! Wahahahaha.

Now.... isn't that your idea of a dream holiday?

chaawp maak kha( I like alot)......

Indian

Being Indian, I like.....

Ching-cha- pore, my country mah.

I was pleased when I found out about the twin duo, Tabitha and Nicole Tay's gold medal achievement at the SEA games.

I was rooting for Nicolette Teo to clinch the gold in the 100m breast stroke though on any other day I would have rooted for the hot and sexy Filipino Jaclyn Pangilinan.

I was smirking when Mark Richmond said, "The Singapore Water Polo Team comfortably beat the Malaysians 15-3! in the Round Robin Match."

My heart ACTUALLY went out to the Singaporean triathlete who collapsed at the finish line after coming in first.

Me and the stranger next to me on the bus, reclined back in out seats relieved after the nation's latest swimming sensation Tao Li, touched home for gold. I had a tiny smile on my face and being the busybody I am, I glanced at the stranger. He had a frown that looked like a smile so its a smile.. to me... and for Singapore.

When I think I dont' feel for the country.... such things happen to make me feel otherwise.

Deep down inside I am Ching-cha-porean.

No matter how much I criticise or bemoan

A part of me, which is possibly impossible to extricate, does feel belonged here.

Die la.

That means even if I do migrate, I would end up supporting Team Singapore.

I would then be treated as minority trash and stigmatized as a social outcast.

So I guess my patriotism will stop once the SEA Games end.

Its better for my already bleak future.

Fire drill.

There was a fire drill at my workplace today.

The lifts had stopped functioning so all the civil servants crammed into the narrow staircase landings and made their way down, down, down.

My office is on the 31st floor.

But when the fire alarm went off I had to HAVE urgent work on the 36th floor.

I was planning to hide in the toilet.

My officer said Cannot.

I had to go 36 floors down.

If this happened a week or so earlier, I could have taken part in the Standard Chartered Run.

My legs would have been ready.

Oh well....

We were told that the results of the drill/exercise will reach us via EMAIL!

Obviously because there is sooooooo much of research and computation to do.

Like whether the higher the floor of your department, the longer you take to reach the assembly ground.

Like whether the security guards were Really the fastest to leave the building?

And if you are slow in response does it mean you are that much more dedicated to work?

So what happens if we fail this so called exercise???

Will we have more such drills?

Will we not receive our new pay increment?

Or will we be forced to watch the MDA video on big screen?

I really wonder.......

Boon or Bane?

While everyone was having a good time at No. 5 Emerald Hill, my mind was having on-going talks about the prospect of getting high at someone else's birthday party.

By birthright, the birthday girl should get drunk. Not place a bet on her friend and dare her to draaaaag the most awful tasting Martini on Planet Earth and possibly Planet Krypton.

Especially when the friend had already gulped down 3 Martinis in quick succession and was trying to wash down the cough syrup aftertaste with beer.

Especially when the friend had a persistent cough and a huge phlegm buildup.

Then again no one really bothers about my well-being.

Till yesterday I wasn't sure whether my drinking capacity was a boon or a bane.

I get high fast and yet sober down as quickly.

Then I drink again and the cycle repeats.

I don't have hangovers the next day and I usually force myself to puke when the world starts spinning.

So I always thought it was a good thing. Since I won't have to stop drinking and I won't ever pass out.

But yesterday while floating in LALA land, it hit me.

When I am high, I am well-behaved, quiet, civilized and polite.

Which translates; I am an absolute bore when I am high.

Ironic huh?

All I do is smile and nod my head.

And top it all off, I get SLEEEEEPY. I sleep to come down to earth or so my friend says.

I would be a complete disaster on trips and at chalets.

I will fall asleep even before the owls come out.

So I have decided to put an end to this bane.

To stop drinking

In quick succession.

And to exercise patience and self control.

I can't afford to be BORRRING.

It totally mars my reputation.