My Dear Manjans.

I believe friendships are ultimately based on arbitrary choices and preferences. You can see it everywhere. The nerds are with the geeks, the college hunks are with the cheerleaders, the choir students are with the bathroom singers, the indians hang out with the indians, the chinese mix with the chinese and the malays are with the fellow malays. One thing is clear from the latter part of the above mentioned statement: Race can be a crucial determinant in a friendship. An immediate comfort level can be achieved when two strangers of the same race meet and communicate in their mother tongue. And conversation topics can be effortlessly evoked as both are aware of the current issues colonising their community. For example, two Indians meeting for the first time can talk about the importance of Thaipusam or the latest Rajinekanth movie, Sivaji. These similarities inevitably form the stepping stones for a new friendship.

But my post is not about the friendship between the Makkalz. Its more about our ties with the Manjans; the manjans out there who are really nice, who do not make lame racist jokes, who have a disastrously low tolerance for alcohol and spices, who do not lampoon and ridicule the beliefs you revere, who want to learn more about your culture simply because you are part of it, who do not judge you because you are part of the minority who is statistically proven to be weak in Mathematics. In my academic life, I can say that have I met some really cool Manjans. Be it the happening Sec 4 class, the crazily slack JC class, or the real cool honours class, the Manjans in all these classes were the majority. Till today, they go that extra mile to keep in touch with their little Indian friend, me, me, me!. Hailing from a Sec 4 class with a 55% manjan population and a 45% minority population, it was easy to make friends without being provocative or insensitive. There was no exchange of tactless comments. Everyone made good fun of everyone. No personal grudges held and no vulgar descriptions by the Manjans about the Indians and their passion for running around the trees. So you can imagine my horror in my first day at Temasek Junior College. The JC where 86% of the students are rumoured to get 2As and above for A levels, the jc whose prelim papers are avoided by students from other JCs, the jc whose best sport was table tennis??!!, the jc where everyone WANTS to do S paper, the jc where the F- Maths marks range from 17 to 98, the jc where everyone comes to the Indians when they want to skip lesson/school effectively and the JC where the total number of South Indians wouldn't even amount to 15. So there I am standing in my Secondary School uniform, staring gravely at my future classmates. I am the only Indian. There are about 3 Malay girls. Everyone else is a Manjan. Not just Manjans.. but Manjans from the top Manjan schools. It was a concoction of Anglican High, Chung Cheng High, Singapore Chinese Girls, Chinese High, Dunman High, River Valley High, Nanyang Girls High School... Basically, I was on a Manjan High. Almost all the freaking SAP schools had sent a representative to my JC class! From somewhere not so far away, I could vaguely hear my death knell being sounded. "Die la. Sure cannot survive," echoed my Indian conscience as I walked to my seat at the back of the class. I am stuck with Manjans:
(a)whose first Indian friend was Raju, the fictional boy in the Pri 5 Math textbook. He always had lesser marbles than Ali and Lee.
(b) who think Deepavali is all about murukku.
(c) whose second Indian friend was Appu, the imprudent Indian dude from The Simpsons.

And so I sit infront of these 3 girls who were animatedly yapping away in a cacophony of Mandarin, mandarin, mandarin and Hokkien. At this juncture, the death knell sounded once again. But this time much clearer.

Eventually, I realised how wrong I was. My sense of judgement had totally failed. Once you don the ugly TJC uniform, you are not part of the secondary school anymore. You have to make new friends and remain united in times of academic adversities! To be a cohesive unit, you need to be chum chum with your classmates. The Manjans were not abusive or vile, or profane in language which could violate a person's cultural and social existence and/or the sanctity of the person's life. In fact, they were sincere, helpful and very fun. And this served as a powerful tool in breaking the racial barriers and cultural implications. Most admitted that I was their first Indian friend. Can you imagine, 17 years of your life without once meeting a Tamilan? God all those things they had missed. So what they lacked previously was the humanness of the cultural experience. Coz all they knew abut Indians and Malays were from the CME books, which dedicated 2 pages to minority cultures in Singapore. The Manjans in my class were genuinely interested in the Tamilan culture.. They were ever so inquisitive and excited...so I became the affirmative Indian ambassador who pledged to rid them off their acquired stigmatization and apprehension. In the process, forming better relations and eradicating my wronged perceptions as well. And so began my Manjan loving phase.... Wahaha.

Why Manjans Rock

(1) Singaporean Manjans are genetically altered to be better in Maths so when it came to copying, I was spoilt for choice.
(2) One of the Manjan friends patiently spent months teaching me Integration. I gave up more times than she did.
(3) They cover up your absence by giving ridiculous reasons, "Cher...I think the prata yesterday made her sick." Though I was absent yesterday and the day before...
(4) They do your homework for you so you won't be punished.
(5) They stand up for you against the tyranny of your GP tutor.
(6) They help you with your ICS production.
(7) They show their support for you by screaming out your name during all your JC dance performances.
(8) They purchase tickets for all your NUS performances clearly knowing that the shows are in Tamil. All because they want to see your 5 minute dance on stage.
(9) They teach you how to play mahjong.
(10) They have fun non- JC boyfriends who teach you the cheat codes for Mortal Kombat, teach you how to gamble smartly, and how to do the Para Para Sakura.
(11) They pay for all your meals when you are broke.
(12) They lend you stationery and never ask for it to be returned.
(13) They queue up to photocopy notes for you.
(14) They get you free passes/discounted tickets for their band concerts, choir performances, violin and piano recitals.
(15) They still remember words and dance steps from the Tamil songs you performed in JC.
(16) They know where you can get the best prawn mee and sushi.
(17) They get you stuff from Europe, Maldives, Japan and even Tibet.
(18) They introduce you to the world of Chinese, Japanese and Korean entertainment.
(19) When you stay over at their place for a movie marathon, they rent the latest bollywood movie to watch.
(20) They have a huge collection of alcohol and funny tasting food items which you have full access to.
(21) They get drunk way faster than you, hence, leaving you with more booze to contend with.
(22) They have really rich parents who splurge money on the friends everytime they are over at the house. They have really nice maids who fix hearty breakfasts/meals for all the hungover kids.
(23) They make sure they translate every single chinese word that comes out of every single Chinese mouth coz they want you to understand every single part of it.
(24) They buy the latest play station and invite you over to try it.
(25) They cook for you when you are hungry. And also, because you are the only one who would probably eat their cooking.
(26) They present you with the most weirdest birthday gifts.
(27) Not knowing that the Indians have 1008 ceremonies before the actual wedding, the Manjans come with a gift for each and every ceremony you invite them to. Be it the ROM, the engagement or the bangle ceremony, I noticed them either having a present or an hangbao in their hands. So we all know who we HAVE to invite when we are getting married.
(28) They give you massages and style your hair while you are busy playing Need for Speed.
(29) They vote for you incessantly during Dhool 2003 and accumulate many interesting Tamil ringtones, which they do not know what to do with.
(30) They are so fascinated with the Indian culture that they vow to buy the whole of Little India.

And so down the road, you have some of these High High Manjans coming and telling you, "I think huh.. there is a small part of me thats Indian la!" Which part I am not sure... when they can take spicy stuff and more alcohol than the conventional amounts, they decide they are Indians. When they indulge in Tamilan music, Bollywood movies and Indian costumes and accessories.. they decide they are part Indian too. I am not going to tell them that their assumptions are highly contestable. I am just grateful for the success of this cultural immersion attempt. Now this is what I call racial harmony.

Yes Boss.

Work, Werk, Wark, Wirk... No matter how differently you say it, the idea itself is just draining. How I wish I could go back to the good old days of sitting in the Arts canteen and eating claypot chicken curry for 2 hours. How I wish I could return to the mundane drone of exams and essay writing. How I wish I could once again venture into my lecturer's room to steal chocolates. All these 'How I wish' are just wishful thought bubbles. I have an empty Black Label bottle with no genie inside to grant me these "Back to the Past" wishes. So is Work any fun? Well it can be at times. Especially when you have a Boss who is neither from hell nor heaven. She is stuck in that transitory place where one naughty deed will send her to hell and one good deed might just convince Saint Peter to guarantee her entry to Heaven. Somehow I think she will wind up in hell. So the boss who shall be referred to as Boss throughout this post, is a 37 year old woman with high IQ, no EQ and a passion for GQ(men's magazine). She is a no nonsense lady who communicates with humans only when she thinks she has to. This intense positive interaction between boss and employees defines a good working environment. Our coexistence, however, is dependent on our daily reciprocal manipulation. We must be convincing when we lie. We cannot give politically incorrect answers. We must work smart and not hard. We can beg, steal and even murder as long as we get the job done and we don't get caught. So we play the manipulation game constantly by negotiating around the work- ethic borders to reach a consensus. My boss has the devil's tongue and Adolf Hitler's charm. You might have been a freaking Rhodes scholar in your academic days but against the Boss's wisecracks you are a helpless prey waiting to be pounced on...

Boss: You idiot! You are doing an asshole's job! I didn't hire you for that!!!

Me: (wondering what she meant by that)

Boss: Say something! I am talking to you!!

Me: (finally understanding what she meant by the previous comment) I did not give you shitty work! I spent hours doing it! I checked it thoroughly.

Boss: Stephanie at Customer's Service spends 12 hours at her office table! Does that mean she is doing better work than me? Work smart you idiot not hard. And I thought that was one of your better qualities. Don't keep it at home.
She walks away leaving me there, looking like an idiot.


Boss: Where is the assignment? You said it will be on my table by 10.

Me: I said it will be on your table by 12.

Boss: No you said 10.

Me: I said 12 but you think its 10 cause you just want it early. So you can edit it quickly and take a longer break.

Boss: Aha.. You caught me. So smarrrt you are. Is that what they teach you in Uni? Manipulate your boss who didn't do honours.

Me: No. Uni just taught me that lecturers are nicer.


Boss: Why are you going down to NUS daily after work? You are that free is it? Should I assign you some homework? (evil laughter accompanies)

Me: I am going down to help with a production. Its on 11th August at UCC.

Boss: So what are you doing? Pre production stuff is it?

Me: More like helping out with the props you know.. painting, hammering, cutting, carrying stuff around and all that.

Boss: Like Bangla work la.

Me: Er.. Yes. In your terms at least.

Boss: So are you paid?

Me: No! I volunteered to help. Its for a good cause!

Boss: How come you never volunteer to help me? And I pay you for God's sake!

Me:(muttering) I rather help them.

Boss: Ok, ok. Help them all you want. But just don't come exhausted to work. If not I am calling the Ministry of Manpower to take action. They have minimum wage laws for Bangla workers like you too. People must adhere to them.

Me:(exasperated) I am so lucky to have you as my Boss.

Boss: Yes you are. The Devil does wear Prada my dear. The devil does.


One day, after work, I am in school, helping out with props when I get a call from the Boss.

Boss: Oei, you doing Bangla work is it?

Me: Hello to you too.

Boss: What did you and Nicole tell William?

(William was this guy me and my colleague went to meet. We had to get some data from him)

Me: Whatever was necessary. Whats this about?

Boss: He called me complaining about the both of you. That you were rude to him and all! Why were you rude to him?

Me: We were not rude to him. What did he say exactly?

Boss: That you didn't answer his questions properly and you were not interested to hear what he had to say! Is that true?

Me: Yes. He asked us if we were attached!! How is that relevant to anything? So we both gave him a casual answer. And then he started talking about his days in the UK! I switched off after a while. You told us to go there, get the data and get out. That's what we did.

Boss: Ah.. that guy. I should have warned you about him. He likes to hear himself talk. But at the very least you could have pretended to be good listeners right? No harm in that! I know him for 5 years. We need him for future assignments. He is irritated with me coz the 2 of you pissed him off. If he doesn't cooperate we have a problem.

Me: I am sorry that he is pissed but we really didn't do anything to antagonize him greatly. Its not like we raised our voice at him or obviously feigned ignorance to his ramblings. We just didn't engage ourselves in his conversation. And maybe the only time I displayed my not so positive attitude was when he kept on talking about the '1970s Cuban Missile Crisis'. You see the Cuban Missile Crisis happened in 1962. I simply corrected the year and he got all defensive saying that he should know better coz he is older and all that. And he kept on insisting it was in the 1970s. The Americans were fighting the bloody Vietnam War then...

Boss: My god!!! This is what I get for a hiring a Political Science student. I hired you coz I thought you are politically correct and diplomatic and what do you do?? Go forth and correct the wronged political knowledge acquired by an associate, whose help we need!! Coz why? Thats the right to do isn't it? You could have just kept your mouth shut and gotten outta there with no repurcussions following right?(Grunts) So did Nicole pull any literary stunt on him?

(Nicole is a lit major)

Me: No she did not. Look, he was so confident that he was right. Isn't it embarrassing if he goes around sharing the wrong facts?

Boss: And so you decided to deliver him from future embarrassment?! You probably don't give a damn if he humiliates himself... so cut the, 'I care about his dignity' crap.

Me:(Silent. She is right. I would love it if he embarrasses himself actually.) So.. What do you want us to do boss?

Boss: I am not going to ask you to apologise to him. Its not your fault. But I hope you learn from this. Don't speak when you don't have to.

Me: Ok. But really we were not rude to him.. It was a misunderstanding. And Boss I hope the next time you don't accuse us before finding out what exactly happened. It is so unlike you.

Boss: I accused you???? I was just inquiring!!!

Me: Well, you didn't ask me.. Whether(stresses the word) we were rude to William. You asked me why were you rude to William. That sounds like an accusation.

Boss: Ok madam. I will enroll into a Learn English class tomorrow. (scoffs and hangs up)

Another day...

Boss:(walks to my table, points at me) Hahahaha! You cannot download and watch Anime anymore!!! Haha! You will get caught! Bye Bye fantasy world of Japan! Now now don't be upset. You can always download something else.. like Sesame Street or Bob the Builder. But they are in English?! Is that fine with you?? Or do you only want something Oriental?!! Hahaha.

Me:(Silent. Well what can you say to a delirious child?)

Yet another day...

Boss: We need to be creative. I think a poem would be interesting. So Nicole, I am putting you in charge. I want a proper rhyme scheme, something catchy but not too cheesy. Get her to help you. (points to me) After all she has sooo much experience when it comes to poems. I still have all those love poems she wrote to me(sighs dreamily). Ok, so chop chop, get it done.
And she walks away leaving me with a group of bemused colleagues.

Me: She was just joking! I wrote her nothing! Not even a Happy Boss's Day card!


At the meeting room...

Boss: Where the hell is this place? San Marino?

Me: Its in Europe. One of the smallest states surrounded completely by Italy.

Boss: So what is the capital of San Marino?

Me: San Marino City.

Boss: Huh really?

Me: Its like those places you know... Mexico's capital is Mexico City, Dubai's capital is Dubai city.. The name of the country and the capital is simply differentiated by the word City.

Boss: What is the capital of Mauritius?

Me: Port Louis.

Boss: Turkey?

Me: Ankara. Why are you asking me...

Boss: Peru?

Me: Lima I think. What is the purpose of...

Boss: Iceland?

Me:(thinks for a while..) Rey something... I am not sure.

Boss: Mongolia?

Me: Ulaanbaatar.. Boss.. why are you..

Boss: Turkmenistan??

Me: What???

Boss: Turkmenistan. What is the capital of Turkmenistan?

Me: I have no idea.

Boss: Yeah I win!

Me: What?? You asked me for fun??

Boss: Than for what? Improve my general knowledge is it? But you know what? Its so cool that you know Mongolia's capital! Isn't that cool guys? (asks the others who just nod their head unwillingly) She leaves the room and on her way out shouts to a guy in the room across.

Boss: Hey Edwin! One of my girls knows the capital of Mongolia! How cool is that? I bet you have none like that in your department.

Me:(shakes the head in resignation)

So the boss is not a bitch. Her sarcasm can fetch her an Oscar but other than that she is pretty cool. I actually like her because she is really good at what she does. No pretenses, just the 100%, "I am your boss and I know whats best" attitude. Eventually all of us had grown immune to her antics. Going against her is like Iraq going against the world. You just wouldn't want to be blown into tiny bits. Our role in the office is to be self defensive, to curb the proliferation of the boss's ego, to annex the office lounge whenever possible and to do good work when the time permits. Its the one chamber where the democrats, liberals, conservatives, republicans, gays, nerds, stamp collectors, punks and bimbos can come together to fulfill their responsibilities. Entry to this chamber means putting your integrity aside, leaving your dignity at home, locking up the kid in you at a nursery and wearing the "On duty" cloak for the necessary office hours. If you do all that then working ain't so bad.

Did you know?

Trivia in the trivial universe

Mare Imbrium (the “Sea of Rains”, or “Sea of Showers”) is the largest of the dark plains — misnamed seas by early observers but of course having no moisture at all — on the near side of the Moon. Its diameter is 1123 km (about 700 miles).

With a diameter 3.98 times that of the Earth, Uranus is the third largest planet, just slightly larger than Neptune (3.81 Earth diameters), and much smaller than either Jupiter (11.21) or Saturn (9.45). The Earth is the fifth largest planet, followed in order by Venus, Mars, Mercury and Pluto.

The atabal, the bocu, the darabuka and the rebolo are all types of drums. These are four of the many types of ethnic drums that, like other folk instruments, are increasingly being used by musicians around the world. The atabal is of Basque origin; the bocu is Cuban; the darabuka is from North Africa and the Middle East; and the rebolo is Brazilian.

If your geographical position was 0° latitude, 0° longitude, where in the world would you be?Atlantic Ocean. If your latitude is 0°, you must be somewhere on the equator, the line separating the northern and southern hemispheres. If your longitude is 0°, you are standing on a line that connects the North and South Poles, and passes through Greenwich, England. The two lines meet in the Atlantic Ocean, a few hundred kilometres south of Ghana and west of Gabon.

Which was the last continent to be discovered by Europeans? Antarctica!!! No part of the mainland of Antarctica was charted before 1820. Australia was first sighted in the 1600s, while South America was reached by Columbus in 1498.

Which is the world’s smallest ocean? The Arctic Ocean is about 13 million sq. km (5 million sq. mi.) in area. The next smallest is the Indian Ocean at about 72 million sq. km (28 million sq. mi.)

The Great Barrier Reef is by far the largest World Heritage Area, covering over 34 million hectares (131,000 sq. mi.). The most extensive coral reef system in the world, it evolved over hundreds of thousands of years and now is home to a wide diversity of sea life and birds, including the endangered green sea turtle and the dugong. It was inscribed on the World Heritage List in 1981, and divided into "Protection Zones" that restrict extraction activities. The Great Barrier Reef is threatened by climate change, since the coral is sensitive to rising ocean temperatures.

Ah.. the unquantifiable joy attained from educating others.. Not many worldly pleasures can beat that. Wahahaha.

24 going on 50.

You know you are growing old when...

1) You start yawning at 8pm on a Saturday night though you are out having fun with friends.

2) You would rather stay at home during the weekends to watch Japanese and Korean dramas.

3) Your favourite TV programmes are Criminal Minds, Numbers, Bones, House and CSI.

4) You tell yourself, "Yes do they have the latest Shopaholic book there but I absolutely cannot be caught browsing at the Teenage Fiction Section."

5) You prefer Harry's to Asoka.

6) You have a headache and the nerve on your forehead begins to throb visibly.

7) You dance in a club for 2 minutes and your joints start telling you, "Stop I cannot take this anymore. Have mercy."

8) You rather watch people in the club dance then engage yourself in such strenous exercises.

9) You prefer reading to chatting on the phone.

10) You climb a flight of steps and pant like you have just finished a 5km run.

11) The teenage punks do not have to do anything to get you irritated. You just acquire an inherent bias against them.

12a) The mornings have you holding a cup of black coffee in one hand and the Straits Times in the other.
12b) The mornings have you holding a cup of black coffee and not a cup of Milo.

13) Acting cute gives you nausea.

14) You start losing hair and you blame it on the shampoo.

15) People address you with respect.

16) Responsibility becomes everybody's favourite word but yours.

17) The only screwing you get is a verbal one from your Boss.

18) For 20 minutes you muddle around the house looking for your specs only to realise you have 4 different pairs for 4 different occasions.

19) The last thing you think about before hitting the sack is "Work" and the first thing you think about when you wake up is "Work"

20) The perpetual expression you wear is a Smirk.

21) The Mastercard and Visa are your constant companions.

22) You replace your acne cream with skin tightening cream.

23) Your parents 'Word of the Every-day' is "Marriage"

24) Alcohol is your best source of escapsim.

The Reading List

In the vast book world of Borders, Page One, Kinokuniya and the National Library, are some precious works of literature that at times remain invisible to the human eye due to the.. er.. due to the.. vast size of the book world. Some are fortunate enough to make it to the "Bestsellers Section" or the "Most Popularly Borrowed Section." Whereas the others remain hidden waiting to be discovered by an idle soul idling in the book world for many idle hours. I experienced this a few years ago. I was an idle-r in Borders. Amidst the 'tribal warfare' at the Bestsellers section, I discovered a blood diamond in the more secluded corners of Borders, noticed by none and neglected by everyone. I glanced at the synopsis, got highly intrigued, paid for it and left while the primitive savagery continued in the popular sections. Two weeks after my purchase, the book becomes a Best seller! By then 2 of my friends had read it. I received great accolades for my immaculate taste in books. And this juncture, I would like to thank Dan Brown's Angels and Demons for solidifying my friendship and my personal ego. After all, one of my friends thanked me passionately for recommending Angels and Demons at the earlier stages. She went on to say that it was the only good thing I had ever done for her as a friend. Now ain't that sweet....

Anyway, this post is on book democracy. Basically, one should read what one wants to. But then again one can ask another what the other reads in order to utilise one's democratic right effectively. Its you, the people, who rule the book world. With popular participation in borrowing and buying books, each and almost every one of us exercises what I call Book democracy. Books comes in all shapes and sizes. And sometimes with contents you wouldn't even dream of. This collective articulation of local concerns, personal lifes and interests, in all their diversity causes the creative intervention of conflicts in your brain as you are left perplexed and wondering, "What the hell should I read?!!" You see the whole world loves a story teller. There is magic to the act of story telling. But there is another teller who is equally interesting, a book teller. The one who tells you "Hey, you might just want to read this". Now there is magic to the book teller too. He/She remembers the few memorable ones that were read and then casts a vanishing spell on all those books which defile the term "books." A book teller has full liberty to "kiss and tell" or more like "kiss and ANNOUNCE" to everyone how good a particualr book is/was. Today, I am assuming the role of the book teller. I have a cape and a wand in my hand. The top hat and rabbit were deemed unnecessary. Given the framework of my short-lived peaceful existence, all books mentioned here were MY recent good reads. I cannot compel my memory to run through my MIND LIBRARY 10 years ago. So recent good reads meaning from the year 2004 to 2007. Here they are, my top 20, in no particular order.

1. Sister's Keeper : Jodi Picoult

2. Inheritance of Loss : Kiran Desai (A rather dry first few chapters enhanced by her rather dry humour but it picks up. And you actually find yourself appreciating her political humour)

3. Kite Runner: Khaled Hosseini

4. 5 people you Meet in Heaven: Mitch Albom

5. Curious Incident of the Dog at Night Time: Mark Haddon

6. Vernon God Little : DBC Pierre

7. Fragile Things : Neil Gaiman (Short stories)

8. 19 Minutes : Jodi Picoult

9. Life of Pi : Yann Martel

10. The Alchemist: Paulo Coelho

11. The Devil and Miss Prym: Paulo Coelho

12. The Emperor's Children: Claire Messud

13. Kafka on the Shore: Haruki Murakami

14. Never Let Me Go: Kazuo Ishiguro

15. Midnight's Children : Salman Rushdie

16. The Memory Keeper's Daughter : Kim Edwards

17. The Time Traveler's Wife: Audrey Niffenegger

18. A Fine Balance : Rohinton Mistry

19. The Fourth Hand : John Irving

20. Candide : Voltaire

*A point to note, some books were in circulation long before. I only got my hands on them recently. So its a current read but not a current book.

My top 20 good recent reads end here. It was hard to handpick these few from a list of many great works. Dan Brown's books were left out deliberately. I think there is enough hype about them to go on for another decade or so. J.K Rowling, David Eddings, Greg Iles, James Patterson, Sophie Kinsella, Ruth Rendell, Sue Grafton, Sue Townsend, Toni Morrison, Tony Parsons, Chitra Banerjee and a few others were unlucky to not make it into my highly constrained list. But nonetheless, they provide really decent reads.

In the world of books there is no particular hegemon. Are British authors better than the Americans? Do Indian authors capture emotions more succinctly? Do Japanese authors have a broader imagination than the others? All these questions lead to the same answer: I don't know. I cannot find the legitimate demarcation to say which authors are better at what. A whole configuration of genres, a mixture of writing styles, an amplitude of expressions, a proper continuity, a vivid imagination and a lasting impression- that is how I like my books. The profile of the author really doesn't matter. Having said that I better return to my Powerpuff Girls: Mojo Jojo Comes to Babysit, latest edition. Apparently they got the colours wrong in the previous book. Tsk Tsk.

Ok, good day.

Diary Entry of a Dramatic Mentor?

Warning: The title of the post is probably incongrous to the content of the post.

2003: Sangae Muzhangu 03 (performer)

2003: Dhool 03 (performer)

2004: Roadshow 04 (performer)

2005: Sangae Muzhangu 05 (Creative Director)

2006: Roadshow 06 (performer)

2007: Sangae Muzhangu 07 (Backstage Crew)

5 productions and 1 media competition have made my Uni life truly memorable. Each production is different from the other but the exhaustion that hits you during and after each production is the SAME!!! Sometimes you catch yourself stoning. Its very Homer Simpson-ish. You have a monkey playing the symbals in your head when someone is talking to you about the production work that needs to be done. After a number of productions, you just get disillusioned. And you realise that a disillusioned "YOU" works more efficiently than a clear headed newbie.

So below is the list of things you will learn and experience before you retire TOTALLY from production work.

1. You enjoy the lime-light on stage. Its your turn to shine. The sound and lights pump up your excitement and boost your energy but only the audience in the first few rows can see your face.

2. You attain the title of MENTOR after doing one or two productions. Your personality might be that of a tadpole's but the younger ones must still listen to you coz you have something that they don't: EXPERIENCE

3. You forget what stage fright means. You don't understand the concept of being nervous before the show starts. You don't hyper ventilate. Even when your prop breaks 40 minutes before the show, you could still calmly exit the auditorium, have a smoke, come back in and instruct the backstage boys on what needs to be done.

4. You don't need to hear words of encouragement from the fellow performers or crew members becoz you are so confident that you won't screw up.

5. You learn to be an adult and not mix professionalism with personalism.

6. Curtain calls are not important to you. You don't want the recognition. You would rather clean up the stage, the backstage and the dressing rooms.

7. You learn new terms: Gobo, moving hits, brothi, flush, stage 0, fly bar, CYC, scrim, bleed through.

8. Blue, green, yellow, red and black duct tape markings can only be done by a person who is colour blind. You are oblivious to the fact that the stage looks hideous from the second floor of the auditorium. You feel the pinch when you are told to remove the markings and to do them again. But this time with not so many colours. You learn things the hard way.

9. You meet many new people and your phone contact list and msn contact list multiplies like India's population.

10. You become good friends with a select few and forget the rest in time to come.

11. When you have worked with the best you feel let down by the average.

12. You become realistic and not dream for grandeur in your production as the stage provides you with restrictions you couldn't have possibly imagined.

13. You need a Plan A, A', B, B', C, C'. Coz anything can go wrong at anytime.

14. You might have been a great performer at your rehearsals and an absolute disaster on the actual show day.

15. Nothing excites you, nothing shocks you and nothing makes you panic. You are ready to roll when the show starts. But you do get amused by the tensed people who get tensed about the things that give no credit to the word tense itself.

And lastly yet most importantly....

16. You get to bring free lightsticks home! This is the best part of having access to backstage.

Magic Words

"In the very earliest time,
when both people and animals lived on earth,
a person could become an animal if he wanted to
and an animal could become a human being.
Sometimes they were people
and sometimes animals
and there was no difference.
All spoke the same language.
That was the time when words were like magic.
The human mind had mysterious powers.
A word spoken by chance
might have strange consequences.
It would suddenly come alive
and what people wanted to happen could happen-
all you had to do was say it.
Nobody could explain this:
Thats the way it was."

-'Magic Words', by Edward Field
Inspired by the Inuit (indigeneous people inhabiting the Artic regions of Alaska, Greenland, the Canadian Territories of Nunavut and Quebec)

Let's talk about sex.

The article below is mainly plagarised from today's Straits Times. Here and there, I have added my personal rants(purple font in brackets) so people... Let's talk about sex.

237 reasons why people have sex

Why do people have sex? Many scientists assume people do so for simple and straightforward reasons such as to experience sexual pleasure or to reproduce but new research at the University of Texas at Austin reveals at least 237 motivations that range from the spiritual to the vengeful. In a survey of nearly 2000 people by Dr David Buss and Dr Cindy Meston which will appear in the August issue of Archives of Sexual Behaviour, respondents offered reasons such as "I wanted to feel closer to God" (I thought prayer would make one feel closer to God. Do the nuns and the priests know that sex works too? Someone should inform them. Having sex, medically at least, releases neurons in the peripheral cortex. This release probably makes you see the light, feel all warm and fuzzy, trap you in a hypnotic state and maybe even cause you to shout , "Oh God, oh God!" in pleasure. It is very Priory Sion but is that really piety? I thought it was just called what was that.. oh yes.. having an orgasm. It is scientifically proven that your mind goes blank when you are at the climatic peak of intercourse. And so maybe.. God fills your mind then since you are all pure and deviod of any thought. Well, what can I say, God strikes at the right moment. People with really low IQ should have sex frequently then. They would achieve the highest success rate in getting closer to God. They think lesser and probably slower. Hence, God will infiltrate their almost empty minds faster. Low IQ, reach God faster: New theory by mankind) and "I was drunk"(Is this a reason or an excuse? Ya we know Gin is the Devil's drink, Tequila makes you dizzy, Chivas lowers your alcohol tolerance but which drink impairs your judgement to such an extreme that you cannot stop someone ripping off your clothes and thrusting themselves upon you. If drunks can wear condoms when doing IT, I am sure they can remain zipped or buttonned up while they are flirting and getting drunk with the opposite sex.) Some respondents of both sexes explained that they had sex "to get rid of a headache". This was no 173 on the list.(This is a new medical discovery. I am sure an article about 'Sex rids headache' will be published in the next issue of the Medical Journal. Paracetomol you have failed. Its time to give way to the sex-biotics. However, having an unplanned child because of a headache seems like a bigger headache. Don't you think so? Or is it just me?) . Others said they did it to "help me fall asleep"(what happened to sleeping pills and counting sheep?), "make my partner feel powerful' (the hidden dominatrix comes out to play), "burn calories"(Fat people and models take note, if your diet and exercise regime does not work then get IT going with your dietician, personal trainer or photographer) "return a favour" (Gifts are too tacky, thank yous are too cheesy, hugs are too cheapo so sex is the way. It is the greatest act of gratitude. Trade in sex for values) "keep warm" (Sweaters are not effective, starting a fire is too cave man, hot drink keeps you hot not warm so the best thing to do is take off all your clothes, freeze for god knows how many minutes and then start feeling warm as the sexual act attains optimum. Now that is the most effective way to keep warm) "hurt an enemy"(cheap shot but probably a good tactic that achieves maximun damage in the shortest span of time) "good exercise"(No more running at the stadium people, the only running you got to do is to your bed) or "someone dared me" (Can someone dare this person to jump off the buliding? If he/she can give his/her body away so easily, then he/she would have no qualms about jumping off) The best news is that both men and women ranked the same reason most often: I was attracted to that person (I am attracted to Hugh Jackman but that doesn't mean I want to do him. But comparatively, this reason is much better) The rest of the top ten for each gender were almost all the same, including "I wanted to express my love for the person" (Finally, a Mills and Boon reason. Not all is lost in the human race. Call me old fashioned but this reason attains greater credence then anything else) "I was sexually aroused and wanted the release" (Well, that is practical) and "Its fun" (So is watching anime and getting drunk, but ya its valid. Fun is fun. You want to have fun, have sex. Sounds fun enough. Nothing against good fun ya.)

"Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent, it's ugly and it's messy, and if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago." - Allison Cameron from the medical series HOUSE MD.

The moral of this post is three pronged: 1. You don't need a reason to have sex. 2. Sex is fun. 3. And all you self proclaimed sexy beasts out there shoud Go forth and Thrive!