The 8th Day.

My kingdom has never faced,
Such tumultous waves,
Of impending sins,
Which guide Man to his graves.

What have I done?
How did I fail?
Was my unfaltering love
Never meant to hail?

Disobeyed Me,
They have always did.
The 6th Day, now how
I wish to get rid.

If I could turn back time,
I certainly would.
My creation is erred,
Punish Man, I should.

A curse I place,
Upon his corrupted mind,
The Last Day nears,
For all of Mankind.

What else could I have done?
Destroy the Eden?
But how was I to know
The problem would start in that garden?

I should have expected,
A glitch somewhere,
But I was busy rejoicing
The 'perfection' of my heir.

I should have reviewed
my creation plan on the 7th day,
But the break I took then,
Now leads Man to dooms day.

Maybe an 8th day I should've made,
To put my pain at complete ease,
And all I had to command was,
"Let there be Peace."

My Top Ten Guys.

I always thought comics are thematically funny. Off late I realised comic reading is apparently funny too. When you are at the prime age of 24, reading comics in the scrutiny of friends, family and tuition kids is highly amusing, not for you but for them. While waiting for a friend, I read Jughead. She arrives, spots me reading and laughingly says, "You are reading Jughead?!" That incredulos tone in her voice stumped me. She made it sound like I was reading Ladybird. And then during tuition I whip out my Spiderman to only generate giggles from the tuition kid who questions me, "You are still reading comics?" The questioning tone was inundated with a silent remark, "Grow up la cher." My mom doesn't even qualify comics as books or quantify comic reading time as time not spent on the TV or the Computer. Its a waste of time to her. She would rather have me 'save' the house with mops and brooms than to have me reading about heroes saving the world. Comics have often been disregarded for having contents synonymous to my blog address. "Crap", "Nonsense", "Jibberish" and so continues the branding. I personally do not think they should be condemened for having little value because they play a role in spreading messages, enhancing your knowledge and representing the views of the masses. This post is a tribute to my top 10 Comic not cartoon heroes. My cartoon heroes list would have Patrick from Spongebob Square Pants and Samurai Jack from Samurai Jack. But today its just for the comic heroes. Let's start with Number 10...

10.

Spawn aka Al Simmons, was a CIA agent who was murdered and sent to hell for witnessing his boss's corruption. A Dr Faustus like anti-hero adaptation in which Al Simmons strikes a deal with the devil/demon to become an undead hellspawn. His costumes or actually the lack of it make him all the more chillingly funky. He fights crimes with such violent grace that its hard not to like this hell raising cool dude.

9.

Charlie Brown is the "Do the right thing!" boy, whose adorable traits are often exploited by his friends and his sister. Frequently we see him getting kicked in the ass by his peers. The baseball team he "manages" and plays for rarely wins. Yet you see him pitching with so much of optimism and determination. The best player in Charlie's team is his best friend Snoopy. A dog who thinks he is better than humans. Most of the time Snoopy proves his "superiority" with his wit. But Charlie Brown is a good, boy- next- door who just loves his dog so much, he gives in to all of Snoopy's whims and fancies. Such is the lou of this boy. (Now say it together) "AWWW!!!"

8.

Nightcrawler/Kurt Wagner, is a recurring mutant in the X-men series. His superhuman agility is coupled with his ability to teleport. Now how cool is that? One minute you are in lecture and the next minute you are in the canteen drinking iced milo. All you got to do is say "Poof!", comic book style. Anyway Mr Kurt doesn't score well in the looks department since he is a mutated confusion of yellow eyes, pointy tail and a 'blue fur covering'. However, his charms, chivalry, sexy german accent, devout faith in Catholicism and gracious nature in wanting to help others makes him more human than superhero. But I must emphasize his powers here as they have gainfully helped me in completing the X-men video game.

7 .

Calvin, named after the philosopher John Calvin, is an highly imaginative, cheeky, egoistical and intelligent kid whose insatiable curiousity is enhancd by his idea of transmogrification. He is often in a fantasy world of his own, a gateway he created to shy away from the realities of homework and housework. This fantasy world is filled with imagined animals and fictional characters like Godzilla, Captain Napalm and Safari Al. Calvin has an imagined partner in crime. The 'academic' one who does his homework. Calvin's experiences are incomplete without this imaginary friend Hobbes. Now for once, I don't think having an imaginary friend is freaky.

6.

Asterix is a cute small sized warrior living in a fictional Gaulish village in Armorica. This is probably the only village where every male's facial hair is larger than his face and where every villager's name ends with -ix. The only -ix name I haven't come across is six. It might exist but I am unaware. Asterix is accompanied by his not so small friend Obelix. Together they travel the world and win battles against the Romans. Asterix gets his superhuman strength from the magical potion(name has slipped my mind), the village doctor brews. This grants him the strength to take on many warriors at one go. The 300 battle pales in comparison to the fictional battles of Asterix and Obelix alone, against Caesar's many soldiers. Asterix made me believe that to be a hero all I had to do was to consume a potion made of berries. Now thats much better than eating spinach out of a can.

5.

Gambit/Remy the sexiest mutant on X-men and possibly the whole of 'Planet Mutant' possesses the ability to charge objects with his signature playing cards. His ability to tap potential energy in entities with the kineic energy of his cards is simply explosive(literally and metaphorically). I would like to take this opportunity to thank Gambit for making Physics more interesting for me. Gambit's comic and cartoon portrayal simply accentuated his already cool abilities. His intense eyes, low drawl, skillful spinning of the Bo staff and the timed flapping of his trench coat accompanied by an acquired prior knowledge that he was a thief, simply adds greater allure and mystery to this slinky bad boy. I better stop here before this transforms into an X-rated post. And other than the twins and Gambit who else can make bad habits like smoking and drinking look so good?

4.

Spiderman/Peter Parker. The geek turned web slinging superhero always has his reliable hands full. Other than battling nasty villains in geographically inaccessible places, he is also seen struggling to solve personal problems. Be it Aunt May, Mary Jane, the Daily Bugle or his inner demons, Peter Parker essentially gets more than what he can handle. While this modern day tarzan swings from building to building, his thought bubbles would be brooding on his science experiments that went wrong. He has to save the day and salvage his personal life at the same time! Now that is one superhero who can multi-task and prioritise well. I believe this makes Spiderman comics an interesting read. India almost killed it for me when I read about their launch of an Indianised version of Spiderman. Peter Parker now becomes a sacred thread bearing brahmin boy called Pavitr Prabakaran. Kudos to the P.. P.. alliteration but some things are just better left unaltered. Spiderman going Bollywood is officially a big NO-NO for me.

3.

Jason Fox of Foxtrot is so smart he makes world renowned Archimedes look dumb. This 10 year old science and mathematics genius once recited from memory the first hundred digits of the familiar mathematical constant pi. I have trouble even comprehending what that statement means! Jason's best arsenal is, suprise surprise, his intelligence. He can probably outwit, out smart and outlive all the characters in Foxtrot. He should have joined Survivor. The prize money would have been his. He is every sister's nightmare, every brother's pain in the butt and every parent's "My kid cannot be smarter than me, can he?" phobia. His annoying antics makes him all the more likeable. Ultimately you end up smiling, rooting for him discreetly to emerge victorious in all his scheming plans. Jason lives up to the creed, "Knowledge is Power."

2.

Wolverine commonly known as Logan is one of the best creations of Marvel. Wahahaha. Those unbreakable adamantium claws, the animal senses and reflexes and the quickly healing factor makes him an ace combatant. Also not to mention his arrogant, impulsive, quick-tempered, conceited, brooding, too tough to regard your existence, all rounded up in one persona that is necessary for a top Public Relations Officer position in a HR firm. This far from 'a people's person' mutant is raw in his ability and instinctive in his actions making him a worthy opponent for some and a true comrade for others. His no-nonsense attitude earned the respect of many, Charles Xavier included. In other words, Wolverine is the Man! And I have to say this, coming from a world obsessed with Indian cinema, Wolverine's chest hair is far more appealing than that of Satyaraj's and Koundamani's (2 veteran hairy Indian actors). I don't mind a hairy beast if its a Wolverine or a Hugh Jackman. Anyone else, welcome yourself to the world of Veet.

1. And now presenting my Number One Comic Hero:

Forsythe Jones or more popularly known as Jughead Jones is not a superhero though his ability to gorge food at a continous rate and not put on any weight is akin to having superhuman powers. Jughead is a lazy not high on fashion, not flirtatious, not that great looking not so average American boy. However, his compassion, wit, humour, loyalty and cooking abilities are highly appealing making him funnier and smarter than the others. Amidst characters like Archie the bloke, Veronica the snob, Betty the bore and Reggie the narcissist, Jughead stands out for being real and interesting. He is an ideal lepak, laid back friend one would love to have. Besides that everytime he talks about food, his tantalizing details sent me straight to the kitchen or to an eatery. Thats the power of this tin capped mad boy! I hope in the next issue of Jughead, Archie decides to open a restaurant for his best friend as a symbol of his gratitude. Given the number of times Jughead has saved Archie's ass, the latter should in fact open 10 restaurants for him!

So the countdown ends here. Comics are a breakway from the orthodoxical books. The vibrancy of colours and lack of lengthy paragraphs often make comics a quick pleasureable read. They often revel in a imaginative world which is not too far from reality. In fact, most comics deal with issues real close to home.

Comics certainly have educational value in them. My first acquaintance with the word hierography was through Tintin's adventures in Egypt. Culture, archaeological theory, traditional values and so on are infused in many comics. Do not dismiss them for simply having entertainment value. Political junkies, for example, would like to know that Justice League, issue after issue (or episode after episode on Ch 35) deals with the American government, the House of Senate, the North-Korean crisis, Operations in the Middle-East, conspiracy theories and intel procedures, with deft aptitude. For science and technological buffs you have the X-men and the Spiderman to explore. What is protoplasmic? Peter Parker can tell you. One to know more about the Astro Plane ask Professor X. You know what Salubrious means? Hobbes does. And so I can go on and on about the educational value of comics. But its too lengthy a post already, so I guess I should stop here.

The moral of this post is: Marvel rocks. Wahahaha

Letter from Ho Chi Minh.

By 1967, President Lyndon Johnson was working to find a diplomatic solution to the conflict in Vietnam. US forces had been fighting there for 3 years and there was little hope for a military victory. The following post is an actual excerpt from a letter written by North Vietnamese leader Ho Chi Minh. The letter was in response to the message from Johnson seeking to begin negotiations. In this letter, Ho Chin Minh speaks harshly about US actions in the conflict and states that he will not consider negotiations until the United States ceases its bombing of Vietnam.

To His Excellency, Mr. Lyndon B Johnson President, United States of America

Your Excellency:

On February 10, 1967, I received your message. This is my reply. Vietnam is thousands of miles away from the United States. The Vietnamese people have never done any harm to the United States. But contrary to the pledges made by its representative at the 1954 Geneva conference, the US has ceaselessly intervened in Vietnam, it has unleashed and intensified the war of aggression in North Vietnam with a view to prolonging the partition of Vietnam and turning South Vietnam into a neocolony and military base of the United States. For over two years now, the US government has, with its air and naval forces, carried the war to the Democratic Republic of (North) Vietnam, an independent and sovereign country.

The US government has committed war crimes, crimes against peace and against mankind. In South Vietnam, half a million US and satellite troops have resorted to the most inhuman weapons and most barbarous methods of warfare, such as napalm, toxic chemicals and gases, to massacre our compatriots, destroy crops and raze villages to the ground. In North Vietnam, thousands of US aircrft have dropped hundreds of thousands of tons of bombs, destroying towns, villages, factories, schools. In your message, you apparently deplore the sufferings and destruction in Vietnam. May I ask you: Who has perpetrated these monstrous crimes? It is the United States and satellite troops. The US government is entirely responsible for the extremely serious situation in Vietnam. The Vietnamese people deeply love independence, freedom and peace. But in the face of US aggression they have risen up, united as one man fearless of sacrifices and hardships. They are determined to carry on their resistance until they have won genuine independence and freedom and true peace. The US government has unleashed the war of aggression. This is the only way to the restoration of peace. The US government must stop definitely and unconditionally its bombing raids and all other acts of war against the Democratic Republic of Vietnam, withdraw all US and satellite troops, recognize the South Vietnam National Front of Liberation and let the Vietnamese people settle themselves their own affairs.

In your message you suggested direct talks between the Democratic Republic of Vietnam and the United States. If the US government really wants these talks, it must first of all stop unconditionally its bombing raids and all other acts of war against the Democratic Republic of Vietnam. It is only after the unconditional cessation of US bombing raids and all other acts of war against the Democratic Republic of Vietnam that the Democratic Republic of Vietnam and the US could enter talks and discuss the questions concerning the two sides.

The Vietnamese people will never submit to force, they will never accept talks under threat of bombs. Our cause is absolutely just. It is to be hoped that the US government will act in accordance with reason.

Sincerely,
Ho Chi Minh
February 15, 1967

Points to note:

• Vietnam war occurred from 1959 to 1975. In 1965 Lyndon Johnson dispatches a large number of combat troops adding to the previous 16 000 present in Vietnam.
• The 1954 Geneva Conference was a conference between many countries that agreed to end hostilities and restore peace in IndoChina and Korea. It produced a declaration which supported the territorial integrity and sovereignty of Indochina which gained its independece. In addition, the Conference declaration agreed upon the cessation of hostilities and foreign involvement (or troops) in internal Indochina affairs (Wikipedia).
• Although Johnson did order several halts, negotiations failed as bombing resumed.
• And Ho Chi Minh's constant reference to the North as the Democratic Republic of Vietnam is highly adorable since North Vietnam was a socialist state ruled by a communist government.

This post is inspired by my latest read,Greg Iles's, Dead Sleep. The book sporadically dealt with the context of the Vietnam War. Thank you Greg for rekindling my smothered memory of Clausewitz's famous war dictum,"War is the continuation of political intercourse with the addition of other means." I have a gut feeling Clausewitz prophesised the use of napalm as the addition of other means.But then again, he could be referring to the art of strategising. Oh well.. my gut is never right anyway.

Goodbye Miss SAIGON.

Memoirs of an Ex-GP Student.

The many things that the GP Ten Year Series never taught us.

1. The teacher is always right.

2. When the teacher is wrong refer to rule number 1.

Smart is to believe half of what you hear. Wise is to know which half.

Argue to convince the reader to agree.

Means toward an end is an end in itself. Means justify the ends, the ends justify the means.

A subject verb concord error is the single most irritating grammtical error in the entire universe.

Everything I need to know, I learnt in kindergarten.

Life is full of false clues and sign poles that lead no where.

Human relationships are the most important things in life because it is they above all that hold up the mirror to infinity.

Cogito ergo sum.

The 10 most important 2- letter words in the English Language: "If it is to be, it is up to me."

He is no fool who gives up on what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot use.

Spiders hear through their legs.

Singapore's first and maybe last Olympic medal was in 1960 in Rome.

Pop music is nothing but noise.

Oratorical Flair= Gift of the Gab

Singapore has no permanent friends only permanent interests.

This is an age of greed.

The earth is not given to us by our ancestors, it was loaned to us by our children.

Its necessary for every student to read: Wasteland, Lexus and the Olive Tree, Who moved my cheese?, Cappuchino Years, The Number Devil, Cry the Beloved Country, 1984, The Pilgrim's Progress and Howard's End.

Its unnecessary to read: Anything by David Eddings.

24.10.1945 is not my tutor's birthday but the day UN was founded.

You need IQ, EQ and AQ(Adversity Quotient) to succeed in life.

The 38th parallel has got nothing to do with Geometry.

Thailand might have a colony of transvastites but at least their country was never colonised.

Empiricism is the way of life- Arrive to conclusions through observations.

World peace is not healthy for the world.

The definition of the word gerund: A form of verb functioning as a noun, in English ending in -ing.

The 11 things you need to know about life.

1. Life is not fair.

2. The world won't care about your self-esteem.

3. You would not make $40 000 out of high school.

4. If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.

6. If you mess up, its not your parents' fault.

7. Before you were born your parents weren't as boring.

8. Your school may have done away with winners and losers but your life has not.

9. Life is not divided into semesters.

10. TV is not real life, in real life people have to leave the coffeeshop and go out to work.

11. Be nice to nerds, chances are you will end up working for one.

GP gave a chance to express a reaction against the enfettering of a Student's creativity. No doubt though, it had its fair share of nuisances. The burden of writing an analytical essay or completing an insipid comprehension can permanently 'scar' many JC students.

However, it is undeniable that amidst the mundane drone of Maths and Science, GP provided a rejuvenating classroom experience. It served as a vicarious learning pointer for the imaginative students. For many, GP lessons are generally dysphemistic for "talk-cock time." But its the only subject that made 'talking cock' ever so stimulating.

Mein Kampf- A Posthumous Affair

The Man speaks from the grave:

History would repeatedly bring to your mind the many cruel facts of my past. About how I allowed my own, what was that word they used? Oh yes, "megalomaniacal" ambition to wreak havoc around the world. Such memories may not be plesant, yet people keep them in mind for the sole purpose of telling themselves to beware and take precautions in case such events take place again. The world did learn something from me then. I have served as a lesson to mankind.Glad to have been of help.

My principal role in history is to not be remembered as the moral pervert of the 20th century! But to be etched in the memory of mankind for my political deeds. See, I didn't threaten governance itself, I merely threatened a form of governance, democracy. I didn't exterminate a civilisation, I simply disregarded a population I deemed unfit to exist. I wasn't preserving a hedonistic attitude, I was just preventing a siege on my country's social institutions. I didn't annihilate, I purged. And for God's sake I popularised the term, 'Aryan race'! Before that the Aryans were just known by all to have caused the fall of the Indus Civilisation!

I learnt that matters of religion and ideals frequently cause rifts, especially when such matters are regarded avant-garde. One tends to stand out when his/her beliefs differ from the norm. This society penalises those who are different. Afer all, we live in the world that called Galileo Galilei mad! Now, other than the moustache I had something else that Galileo didn't have. The adoration of my people. And this love was imperative in making me a successful leader. I had the chance of serving my country and people in the most direct way- by dictating how the country is to be run. I was able to make decisions that influenced and improved the lives of my people. I showed my loyalty to my country and gained unquestioning support from my people. Besides that, serving the people also implied I have to fight for my people's rights if they are unjustly treated. And I did exactly that. There are more ways than one to remember me. Its what you choose to see.

Remember me as Ubermensch (Superman)
Remember me for my ability.
Remember me for my struggle.
Remember me for my charisma.
Remember me for my oratorical prowess.
Remember me for my patriotism.
Remember me as an extension of an idea.

Now isn't there more to me than the genocide, the Chaplin moustache and the swastika?

Oh well.. Happy birthday to me anyhow. Deutschland, Deutschland über alles.

That Supernatural thing.

People, no matter how scientifically or technologically advanced, are still interested in or afraid of the supernatural. Indeed from caveman warding off evil spirits to the Brad Pitt blockbuster Meet Joe Black, we see that the human fascination with ghostly beings has not wavered.

There is a natural tendency for humans to find explanations for things that are not easily explainable. This tendency probably arose from the illusion that Man could control things he understood. Mitch Albom's new bestseller, 'For One More Day' highlights that the supernatural is an affidavit of life itself, a reminder of our vulnerability and the fragility of life. The protagonist addresses the reader directly many a time with his disclaimers "I am not sure you will believe this", "Its crazy, I know you don't see dead people." He attempted rationalising the 'meeting' with his dead mom by defining it within the parameters of sub- conscious thought. The harder he struggled in comprehending the situation, the larger the confusion grew within him. As the story progresses, we see the protagonist yielding to the experience and actively incorporating the supernatural realm into his life. "Temporal Insanity" you might term such an experience. But when it does happen to you, the prerogative you have acquired in meeting your lost loved one would simply outweigh the unconventionality of the situation. The bond and memories shared hold a tighter rein over your heart than the irrationality of the experience holds over your mind. You believe in it and you will hear it in your voice when you narrate the experience, verbatim, to your friends or family.

To some the supernatural is just a part of everyday life. Latin Americans and Haitians, for example, practise voodoo even today. It is used to cast love spells, curses and to communicate with the supernatural. And in Singapore, it is not unusual to see a Taoist priest clad in a yellow robe performing rites in cemeteries or burning offerings to appease spirits. Besides, the mass media also partly account for people's interest in the supernatural. Film producers churn out 'horror' movies by hiding behind the facade of intellectual exploration of the supernatural world. Such producers know that a niche market has been created for anything 'out of this world'.

This interest in and fear of the supernatural is just another intricacy of human nature that we cannot escape from, regardless of the level of scientific and technological developments. Even in this age, science has not come up with a convincing explanation for the Bermuda triangle. The loss of lives, accentuated by poor scientific explanations, left humans with no alternative but to regard the supernatural with fear. As baffling and unfathomable supernatural experiences can be, the inability to justify it rationally simply heightens our sense of trepidation. Not everything requires a logical explanation. Accept the supernatural as a reaffirmation of life because its just a matter of time before your barrier between belief and disbelief collapses.

The inadequacy of Self-knowledge.

Self knowledge is a person's awareness of his limitation in ability, strengths and flaws in character. I have a keen awareness of my limitation. I know that in the morning my appearance is limited. I am the most unkempt member in the family. My hair will be in a mess, disobeying all laws of gravity and standing at its preferred angles. My attire could give Dorothy Perkins(DP) a run for its money as a single top of mine could successfully fit in more people than a top in DP could, at a much discounted price. My nerd glasses are NERD glasses. The colour of the frames is a confusing blend of algae and soot. And to top off this Oscar winning appearance, I have my morning swagger. Its a concatenation of a lazy dragging of the feet and a 'low- intensed, wannabe ah-beng' like flailing of the arms.

I strut to the kitchen and see my mom. You know how moms are when it comes to their kids right? Basically, they justify this Tamil Proverb:" Kaakaiku than kunju pon kunju". Literal translation : For a crow, its chick is a gold chick. The not so literal translation: To our moms' we are the Miss Worlds and the Mr ManHunts, when in actual fact, we possess a ghastly resemblance to Voldermort. So my mom gives me a long hard morning look and says, "My dear, you are the epiphany of Goddess Mahalakshmi (Hindu Goddess of Fortune, Luck and basically anything auspicious) ." I stand frozen a minute. Now did she say epiphany or epileptic phony? Did she actually compliment me? Or was she being sarcastic? She definitely has something up her sleeve. I silently deduce the varied possibilities in my mind. All that thinking makes me sleepy. Ah I have become a hapless victim of the 'waking up early at noon' mishap. My mom's not so loud voice jolts me to life. No more sleeping, I tell myself and aim hard to concentrate on what she is saying. She is rattling away an itinerary of chores I need to do. Aha.. so this is what the Mahalakshmi compliment was for, to bribe me into doing household chores. Not like I needed the bribe. I have to do them anyway. So I search for my misplaced optimism and hide my indifference for housework by walking confidently to the toilet to grab a towel, a pail and a detergent bottle. I am then off to clean the main door, the grilles and the gate.

There I am in an award winning attire, with 'invisible from far' Vitamin E cream on my face, cleaning the doors and the gate when I hear footsteps approaching. I look up and see a salesman standing at my door. He scrutinises me from head to toe and proceeds to gently knock on my gate. "Why the hell is he knocking on the gate when we have already established eye contact?" I pondered. My mom hears the knock and frantically gestures to me, mouthing the words, "You talk to him. I am not here ok!" She rarely entertains any of the salesmen. Usually my brother and I are sent as messengers to inform them politely that our parents are not home and that we are unable to make a matured decision without their guidance. So yes, me, the scapegoat, stands at the gate, nodding in agreement to whatever my mom has said, all the while, throwing random furtive glances at the salesman.

Me: (dips the towel in the pail) Yes?
Salesman: Hi
Me: Hello.
Salesman:How has your day been?
Me: (Should I tell him how my day has been really shitty? Or that I just started my day coz I just woke up? I opt for the safe answer.) Fine.
Salesman: Do you speak English?
Me: (I didn't know Hello and Fine were Spanish) Ya.
Salesman: Good good.
Me: OK

And then he proceeds to speak in a high decibel-ed, cumbersomely sluggish manner. Dragging every single word like I wouldn't understand him if he speaks normally.

Salesman: I.... HERE.... TO TELL YOU ... ABOUT THE PROMOTION.... PRO-MOT-ION.. THAT WE ARE HAVING FOR SHAM... POO.... YOU KNOW SHAMPOO?
Me: (getting annoyed) Ya i know shampoo.
Salesman: NOW... GOING CHEAP... VERY THE CHEAP NOW TO BUY.
Me: Sorry I am not interested in very the cheap shampoo.
Salesman: YOU DON'T USE SHAM.. POO?
Me: (getting more annoyed) I do you moron. (you moron muttered inaudibly).
Salesman: THEN WHY YOU DON'T WANT.. CHEAP SHAM.. POO.. GOOD FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
Me: Like me? (Have they discovered more effective nutrients in a shampoo for short haired individuals? So are they mass producing it and selling it at lower prices to gauge the response? I was doing a whole set of demand and supply calculations in my head)
Salesman: YAYA. FOR PEOPLE ON BUDGET... LIKE YOU.
Me: (I have no idea where this is going so I decide to stop him) Sorry I am not interested.
Salesman: ER.. OK.. YOU NOT INTERESTED NEVER MIND. YOUR EM..PLOYERS MIGHT WANT TO BUY RIGHT?
Me: Employers?? (I throw him an icy stare)
Salesman: YAYA. I MEAN YOUR BOSS. YOUR MADAM OR SIR.
Me: (I stand amused. I don't know whether to laugh, to tell him off or to extend a slap towards his face. I look at myself from head to toe and convince myself that I am capable of restraint) Sorry, madame and sir not home. If I buy I get scold. I no money to buy for myself also. Sorrrie.
Salesman: OH ITS OK. CAN I COME.... ANOTHER.... TIME?
Me: You want to come, you come. Sir and madame always not home. Only me, cook and clean, do everything.
Salesman: OH OK. I COME.. SOMEOTHER.. TIME. YOU TELL THEM.. I CAME OK? THANK YOU.. FOR YOUR... TIME.
Me: Dank you.

He walks away and I return to my domestic aid duties.

A Chinese saying points out that 'knowing thyself and your opponent wins every battle', an indication that while self knowledge is important, knowing your opponent's ability is equally significant. Opponents come in all shapes and sizes. This particular time mine came with a briefcase and a 'quickly jumping to assumptions' mind. Maybe its my fault for conveying an image contrary to the truth. I should have worn my graduation gown and uttered Shakespearean soliloquies. That would have been the ideal 'housework' image.

The moral of this story is: Graduates should not clean their home doors, grilles, gates, windows or anything else that blatantly exposes them to public scrutiny. Oh and that self-knowledge is expendable without the knowledge of others' abilities and a tacit understanding of their formidable intellectual judgements.

Great Unexpectations.

An episode in the life of an ex-Mangamma (Female Indian Gangster)

Ever wondered what unexpected really means? Is it just another word like maybe, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious? I wondered. On the 15th of September 1999, while lying on a buzzing walkway, with blood trickling down my nose, I wondered what unexpected truly meant. My feeble memory mustered its courage, ran through the hidden corners of my brain and recollected the definition. Unexpected- Not expected or caught by surprise. That is an apt definition, I thought. I didn’t realize its definitive aptness till I received the blows. The blows were hard, quick and vengeful. Whoever believes its hard to block out negative thoughts from penetrating one’s mind, should really try blocking out random blows from 4 robust Indian females. From my personal but highly excruciating experience, the latter is harder. On hindsight, I thought I would rather be Atlas for a day and carry the world on my shoulders. That seemed more doable than withstanding a fair fight of 'me and me alone' against 'four and only four.' But disappointingly my shoulders, were not carrying the world. They were carrying something far more potent than that. They were carrying the weight of my desperation, the proofs of my sin and the cries of my heart. They were carrying the burden of my pain. A burden so heavy it pummelled me motionless to the ground. My own blood started surrounding me. I then heard shrill voices speaking to me. Amidst the glorious Tamil vulgarities spewed, emerged the following climatic line, screeched out by one of the devils in the disguise of a robust Indian female,“You were the cause of all that trouble and now its time to for you to pay with your blood!!!” I never knew my blood was such a valued currency. I could have traded it for honour, glory, valour or maybe even a Lexus SC430.

The shrill voices slowly begin to fade. I am conscious that I am losing consciousness. I am drifting back and forth from a fringed memory of me walking out of the theatre talking on the phone to one of me losing the battle against 4 robust Indian female fighting machines. I then did what most people do in a similar situation. It was my last resort. I prayed.

Bruised and battered I was, yet for God's mercy I strove. I was sure He knew about their plan. He could have at least given me a warning when he saw them approaching me. He had the aerial view after all. That’s when it hit me. This was meant to happen. I was clueless about what was going to happen. God knew and expected it. It was in His schedule: At such and such a time, such and such a person will get mercilessly beaten up by four so and so's and then the such and such a person will pray to me. Its my job to ensure that this incident does not evolve into such and such a tragedy. My schedule, after the movie, was to head down to the MAMA shop to buy cigarettes. An average plan in comparison to the actual plan executed by God and the 4 robust Indian female fighting machines. My breath was getting shorter. Those were the longest final moments of my sub conscious state. The pain was slowly easing. “God lead me gently away to Heaven!” demanded my normally humble expectations. And amazingly God obeyed.

God brought me to heaven where everything was peaceful, where the angels were clad in whites and in smiles, where life continues with every death, where the air always smells of dettol, where the food tastes better than some home cooked food, where the archangel and his angels walk around with needles relieving you of your pain and where the charge for your stay is equivalent to a 3 day stay in a suite in Honolulu. I was in heaven alright. The heaven on earth. God knew. He expected me alive and kicking. I did not.

I understand what unexpected means. I sure do.

The Singapore Parody.

To anyone and everyone who can read.

Prologue

Parody, often called an ironic quotation, is sometimes considered as an interloper in our nation's laws and policies, both by its detractors and its defenders. The parody of politics in Singapore signals how present representations are guided by past ones. The entrenchment in traditional values makes it a tedious process to introduce change and diversity. So what is done then? Negotiation around the traditional and legislative borders. This prompted my story of the Singapore Parody.

Act 1- Sex in the City

(a) According to section 377 in Singapore's Penal Code "whoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animals can be fined and jailed up to 10 years, or even for life." Oral sex is unaccepted (though I am unsure why the law should interfere with anyone's sex life) but Gays are gaining greater acceptance. So I am assuming these accepted gays practice abstinence.

(b)Legal age to engage in intercourse would be 16. Legal age to purchase a ticket for a RA movie would be 21. The reason is that an individual upon contemplating about the naked male/female form infront of him/her at the age of 16, will be faced with an insurmountable number of inner conflicts induced by the imagined or real differences in a similar naked form he/she scrutinises on screen at a matured age of 21. This law is therefore passed to heighten one's escalating inner conflicts and confusions about the changes generated in a human form in a span of 5 years, because what you see at 16 is not what you see at 21.

Act 2- Uniquely Singapore: Discover a world of unique contrasts.

(c)Contrary to popular belief, a true Singaporean is not successfully identified through the numerous campaigns, like Speak Good English Campaign, Courtesy Campaign or Whatever you do, You will be fined Campaign, but more through the local sitcom hero Phua Chu Kang(PCK). His singlish is reflective of a uniquely Singaporean tongue. His kiasuness is a proud representation of our innate characteristic universally identifiable by anyone, especially the ang moh, who is largely grateful to us for teaching him a new word and flavouring his vocab with an immaculate Asian touch. PCK is also a good law abiding citizen who in most of his action flows with the conventions of the Singapore society. Rarely, does he deviate from mainstream thought. Now isn't that a striking similarity between PCK and every other Singaporean?

(d)Singapore's copyright laws on music and filesharing:'If you didn't buy it from a legal site like Soundbuzz, it is probably illegal. Plus, when you buy a CD, the rights only apply to the CD; this means you cannot rip songs out and make them into MP3s for your player. Generally, it's advisable to check the terms and conditions of use before you make a copy of the songs.' -- SOURCE: INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY OFFICE OF SINGAPORE. Hence people, it is illegal to rip songs from your CD and upload them into your MP3 player. If caught, almost half of our youth will be jail. I am looking forward to this 'behind the bars gathering' as it is clearly the best way to meet up with all my long lost friends. Oh and other than littering and spitting, we now have a new topic to discuss with our neighbourhood friendly police men: the nature of the songs in our IPODs and MP3s.

(e)A 2002 poll commissioned by condom manufacturer Durex ranked Singapore last in a global list of the most sexually active nations. We therefore have rapidly falling birth rates but the government has inexplicably predicted a 2 million population increase in the years to come! There are 2 possibilties to this prediction: 1) Our women become the next Virgin Marys'. 2) Immigration. Though I am a fan of miracles, I have to say the second possibility is more of a possibility. Low barries to entry and the ease in which an immigrant can fit in seems like the only option in reviving whatever is left of this sterile nation's fertility.

Act 3- Ban it like Singapore?

(f) We, the nanny state, have pledged to protect each and every Singaporean from the evils of chewing gum, Playboy, Sex and the city and any other raunchy, sexually provocative, idealistic or horrificly violent movie scenes which are incongrous to our beliefs and values. But in lieu with all these bans and censorships, we have unanimously decided its time to loosen this tight reign of ours. By reversing the four decade ban on a 'milder' vice, gambling, we aim to trade our values for cash and the well-being of our citizens for the competitive and developmental spirit of the nation. We soon intend to ban drinking in clubs as it increases the risk of drunk driving.

(f)Prostitution is allowed to 'function' in 'districts' but smokers are restricted to corners and yellow boxes. In Singapore a smoker is a/an

1. social outcast
2. reference to disagreeable behaviour and bad influence in our Civics and Moral Education books.
3. a habit seeker treated like an offender: Is it because our collective smoking has increased pollution to deplorable thresholds or is it coz our smoking acts are more offensive than abortion, drug abuse and casual unprotected sex that we have been targeted for graphically samaritan media messages?
4. addict to exploit since he/she is non-stoppable in purchase even if the pack price increases by preposterous amounts.
5. conscientous taxpayer whose 'stick' money is probably used by the government for funding medical expenses.
6. scapegoat for Health Boards which are concerned about smokers' health because cigarettes contain "thousands of chemicals". Maybe its time to express some concern to the coffee drinkers too as coffee contains over 1000 chemicals, 19 of which are known to be rat carcinogens.
7. law abiding citizen unable to fully utilize the right for a legal pleasure. Its your right to smoke free air, its a smoker's right to not till you ban it.
8. abomination who only cares for his/her craving and gives no regard to the public unlike the responsible driver who does not attach a catalytic converter or the considerate citizen who litters the beaches.
9. social and finanical handicap who pays so much to only be discriminated for a habit that is hard to kick.
10. silent spectator whose patience is slowly but not surely wearing with this implementation of 'radical' new laws and scare tactics. All because he/she is pretty much confident that Singapore cannot do without smokers. Not banning cigarettes is hard. Banning is harder.

Epilogue

What is disturbing lies more in the stultifying effects of the country's trends on culture and ideals, deeply entrenched in mass consciousness and resulting in the loss of societal resistance against such forms of indoctrination. We are a mass society based on social organization and homogeneity. And so all we can do when we read a parody is laugh homogeneously, be it a comedy or a tragedy.

In conversation with Saddam and Gandhi.

Saddam and Gandhi have a chance meeting in the afterworld. They settle down comfortably in the afterworld park and converse. A silent yet legitimate agreement that the conversation would transcend their mental barriers and personal beliefs. But will they adhere to it?

Saddam : I take it Mr Gandhi, that you are the pioneer of the satyagraha movement.

Gandhi : Yes sir.

Saddam: Explain it to me briefly.

Gandhi: Satyagraha literally means the Truth-force. It is a technique of action intended to replace methods of violence because Man is not capable of knowing the absolute truth and therefore not competent to punish. The pursuit of truth did not admit violence being inflicted on one's opponent but that he must be weaned from error by patience and sympathy. One can still win in his cause in this manner.

Saddam: You mean, other than applying violence, there are other ways in which one can emerge victorious in his cause?

Gandhi: Most certainly. Ahimsa is not merely a negative state of harmlessness but it is a positive state of love, of doing good even to the evil doer. But it does not mean helping the evil doer.

Sadaam: I firmly believed that the path that make your feet bleed is the sole route to get ahead in life. Ok, if I infer correctly from what you have said, am I to love my nemesis Bush then? And try patiently to wean him from the error of sending more troops to my country even after my death?

Gandhi: Yes.

Saddam: Mmm... (contemplates) Love? Love Bush?.. A rather foreign concept to me. But, sympathy for Bush, I already feel, given his lack of intelligence but love... thats a tad bit tricky.

Gandhi: Dear Saddam, search for that love spot. You have it that big burly body of yours. Once you find love, you can comprehend the operative principle of self-suffering. Self suffering is neither cowardice not inability. It is not a weapon of the weak. Its a moral persuasion.

Saddam: I am not worried about self-suffering. I died on the noose remember? With my neck broken and all...

Gandhi: Oh yes. I forgot. So my friend, you are actually on your way to effectively grasping satyagraha because the basic precept of self suffering is infused in you. Now to just imbue the other precepts. Since love is a problem, why not start with Truth? Are you a pathological liar?

Saddam: I don't think so.

Gandhi : When was the last time you lied?

Saddam : When Bush asked me if I had acquired nuclear weapons...

Gandhi : Why is that a lie? I thought they found no concrete evidence of possession.

Saddam: Well I wasn't fully honest. You see, all I was doing was merely engaging(stresses the word) in acquiring nuclear weapons. And between you and me... I also outsourced a few WMD programmes to Libya.

Gandhi. Oh my! That is very unbecoming of you.

Saddam: What was I supposed to do? Tell Bush, Hey I have them. Come get me?!

Gandhi: You could have at least given a diplomatic answer like; The possiblities of Iraq acquiring nuclear weapons are marginal, however, I am not implying that there are none. (Sighs) These nuclear weapons are a big headache. Thank god I left the world before this nuclear proliferation attained full momentum.

Saddam: Ha, Lucky you. After my unexpected departure, the US found a new sitting duck. My Iran compatriot, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is now taking the nuclear fall. That boy, I tell you, won't go down without a tough fight. He has faced much pressure and international condemnation, especially after calling for Israel to be wiped off from the map and deeming the Holocaust a myth and..

Gandhi: (Gasp) He called the holocaust a myth?!!!

Saddam: Yes!I am no Israel fan but I don't think the Jews came up with that on their own. I mean come on, telling the world that we intelligent people were wiped off in numbers by the Nazis, is definitely unflattering. Oh do you know Mel Gibson also said the holocaust was a myth?

Gandhi: He did?! How did you know?

Saddam: I watch Al-Jazeera faithfully.

Gandhi: I had no clue! Why that insolent fool.. I admired his directorial skills in the Passion of the Christ! His cinematic techniques of bringing out the self-suffering of Christ were highly applaudable...(Sighs and wonders) Why such strong anti-semitism? I thought the Hitler days were over.

Saddam: My personal Mel Gibson favourite was Braveheart actually. You know the execution scene where his torso gets ripped open.. But ya speaking of Hitler... What would you have done if you were up against Hitler?

Gandhi: Ah.. the cliched question. I have been asked this many a time by the reporters. I would have done the same thing. Fight him with ahimsa. I know many believe that my employment of non-violence would have failed on tyrants like Hitler. He might have killed me immediately. But at least I know I tried in the way of the strong and the wise. What are you thinking about?

Saddam : Er.. I am just thinking about how the word tyrant has been derogated by the media in recent times. I mean it was used on me! I don't think I fit the classical definition of it.

Gandhi: Definitions belong to the definers not the defined.

Saddam: Wow, how do you know so much about so much?

Gandhi: Mmm.. actually I quoted that from Tony Morrison.

Saddam: But you still know so much!

Gandhi: Once you start embracing Truth as the most significant element of your journey, you will start to walk on the path of enlightenment. You will understand things which you never could before. In God is Truth. Find it and you will know all you have to know.

Saddam: I believe in God. I found him in my heart, in my land, and in my people. He was there in my final breath too.

Gandhi: Ah...We do have something in common then! Hey ram.

(They smile surreptitiously at each other and send a prayer to their respective Gods. They then make their way to the afterworld teahouse to continue their dialectic discourse)

"I elect to remain silent always"

It is fairly interesting that once the government decides on an important 'project', like the recent, "Money No Enough for the Ministers", to embark upon, they formulate a report of findings that summate the current status quo, the past, as well as the future by using quanitfiable yet perplexing measures. It then gets published in the Straits Times as an attempted, 'short' 4 -page justification. By the time you get to the last line on the first page, you would have forgotten the first line of the first paragraph on the first page. To add on to this conundrum, you have the concept behind the ministerial pay formula, which is a probable head scratcher for Pythagoras himself. This juxtaposition of mathematic calculations and colourfully worded justifications will then trigger a slight buzzing noise in your head. Headaches and irritations are common. One can even go the brink of giving up reading. But please do perserve. Regular prescriptions of the government's reasons and explanations can grant any Singaporean immunity against bamboozling jargon.

Let us move on to the crux of this post. An article in Straits Times Interactive commented: "What exactly is the worth of our ministers?" Mmmm.. What is the worth of this 1million+/- pay rise? If the dicussed pay rise does take place, our Ministers, per head, will be worth an exorbitant amount of 2.2 million(Aspiring millionares and unemployed graduates take note, Singapore politics is where the money is). Pardon me for the digression but lets return to the pivotal question, "What exactly are they worth?" I am not sure exactly. These are my possible speculations. (1)Maybe they are worth the taxpayer's disposable income that is marginally reducing because of the GST hike? (2)Maybe they are worth our non-restored CPF cuts? (3)Maybe its the wager paid to be corruption free coz anything lesser than a million dollar increase would result in Singapore having corrupt politicians? (4)Maybe its a reward to keep them loyal. Think about it. If there is no $1 million pay rise, we could lose almost all our politicians to the MNCs: From Minister to Member of More successful Private sector? Maybe its an incentive paid to reignite their diminishing passion in serving the citizens? I am running out of maybes. But remember.. whenever you pay the increased GST charge to the KFC delivery man for his services, you have just successfully contributed to the "Help Save the Ministers" fund.

So what are we going to do about this? Well, discuss arbitrarily on print media, msn, blogs or whatever else that achieves a breakthrough within our creative space. Afterwhich, we retreat to our norm of doing nothing. Let me now quote two interesting 'D' personalities.

First up renowned Dreams philosopher Descartes: "I think therefore I am."
Singaporean influenced by Descartes: "I think but I do nothing, therefore I am Singaporean."

The Second D, the infamous NKF Durai and his imperceptible 5 words: "I elect to remain silent."
Singaporean agrees in passivity : "I elect to remain silent always."