Teachers say the darndest things.

From aphorisms to quips, from non-sequiturs to paradoxes , from punch-lines to backhand compliments and from insights to insane remarks, teachers have it all in their daily vernacular. They need it to 'fight' some of the 'dangerous minds' out there. Louis Nizer once said, "He who works with his hands is a labourer, he who works with his hands and his brain is a craftsman but he who works with his hands, brain and his heart is an artist." Let us juz tweak that a little and substitute the word artist with teacher. Teachers use their hands to write and throw chalks at sleeping students. They use their brains to teach and to outwit their increasingly bolder students. They use their hearts to care and to treat every student equally though they might like some better than the others. Teachers can provide the supposed eclecticism missing in our education system. Their own ideas and styles aside, teachers are equipped with a far more potent tool: their individualized and intellectualized tongues. These tongues have brought us all much pain and pleasure. This post recollects some of the tongues of my academic past.

A hot afternoon in my secondary school physics class. Teacher is conducting her lessons on waves. I am trying to sleep. Teacher catches me dozing off.

Teacher: You! Sleeping is it? Stand up! What are gamma rays?
Me: (half awake tone) High-energy electromagnetic waves.
Teacher: Ok. What is the speed of sound at a room temperature of 20 Degrees Celsius?
Me: (the same half awake tone) 343m/s
Teacher: Ok.. What's my son's name?
Me: (fully awake tone) Er.. I don't know.
Teacher: See I knew you were not paying attention!

Those JC days...

Me: Sir, I am really sorry but I would like to drop Geography.
Tutor: Oh don't be sorry. At least you made David Attenborough proud by not continuing.
(David Attenborough is a well known broadcaster, geographer and naturalist. One of the pioneers of the nature documentary)

Econs Tutor: Let me see your prelim results.
Me: (handing it hesitantly)
Econs Tutor : So you got D, E, A, D(the order in which she chose to read it). Well, that explains your current academic status. Basically you are DEAD for the A levels.

The 100 m sprint was about to start. I was walking to the starting line when I hear my civics tutor shout at me from the spectators stand.

Tutor: If you walk like a loser, you are never going to run like a winner!

After the 100 m sprint is over, I make my way to the refreshments area. My econs tutor is standing there with her Mickey Mouse umbrella.

Econs Tutor: Hey, come here. You must be tired. Stand under the umbrella with me.
Me:(no choice but to oblige)
Econs Tutor: Didn't go too well eh? (referring to the race)
Me: Yeah.
Econs Tutor: There is always a next time. And at least then, wear shorter shorts. You look like you ran away from home in your father's shorts.
Me: (in my head) %$^$%$##$@

Econs Tutor wrote the following comments on my test paper: "If you write at the rate you talk, you would have done much better in the 18 years of your life."

Lit Tutor wrote the following comments on my test paper: "If you didn't read the text, don't bother attempting the question. And just because its a tragedy, don't try to be smart and write down any miserable story that comes to your mind, not even your own sad life story! I really don't want to know."

GP tutor on my homework: If you want to copy, at least copy the answers from the correct page. And don't use the same names and the same examples. I need variety in life.

Econs Tutor: What's an externality?
Me: When you get Aids by having unprotected sex.
Econs Tutor: I am proud of you.

GP tutor: (hands me back my essay) You did really well in this essay. Trust Indian students to score on a topic about freedom fighters.

Lit Tutor yells: Can you stop chewing gum? You remind me of a cow chewing grass and I cannot continue because I am getting distracted by your mouth!
Me: (swallows the gum and swore never to chew gum in lit class again)

Civics Tutor: Why are you wearing sandals to school?
Me: I couldn't find my socks.
Civics Tutor: Fair enough but not good enough. Let us try again. Why are you wearing sandals to school?
Me: Er.. because I sprained my toe?
Civics Tutor: (notes it down in her record book) Much better. Now wasn't that easy for the both of us.

Econs tutor walks into the class. I am standing by the window looking out at the ongoing building constructions, totally unaware of her entrance.
Econs tutor: Excuse me Juliet, Is your Romeo Bangla boyfriend out there waiting for you?
Me: No.
Econs tutor: Then are you trying to make friends with a soon to be Romeo Bangla?
Me: No!
Econs Tutor: Then why are you still standing there? Come and sit down!

Civics Tutor: Why is that everytime some misdeed happens in school, I have a feeling its you?
Me: But this time its really not me.
Civics Tutor: Why are the voices in my head telling me otherwise?

Econs Tutor hands me back my test paper and advices me.
Econs Tutor: At the rate you are going, I think you are going to leave school and become a dancer. A good one though. You might even become a cabaret dancer. I can even teach you one or two things about cabaret.
Me: Its ok. I will just elope with the Bangla.

Civics Tutor, before handing me my A level results : (takes a look at it, glances at me) You look nervous. You don't have to be. You probably surpassed your own expectations. You surpassed mine! (I look at the result slip and grin but he continues stoically) Well, at least one of us is still in shock.

That SEC 4 Lit Class...

It was pouring really heavily and I ended up late for school. After a bit of a hustle, I managed to get to class. I was drenched, soaked to the skin.

Lit Tutor : (states the obvious) Oh my, Did you get wet in the rain?
Me: (restraining my annoyance) Maybe. Not really sure actually.
Lit Tutor: Was that a joke? Because only my toe hair was laughing.
Me: (speechless, other than a few vulgarities running through my mind)

Lit tutor: Whats an onomatopoeia?
Me: I can't remember.
Lit Tutor: Whats a hyperbole?
Me: I can't really remember.
Lit Tutor: How about an euphemism?
Me: Er.. I can't remember.
Lit Tutor: Have I taught you anything at all?
Me: I can't remember.
Lit Tutor: Oh my, since you are so forgetful, let me remind you about your detention that starts today. 3 pm at my office.
Me: Huh? Why? What detention?!
Lit Tutor: I can't really remember. See you later.

The Uni life...

Lit tutor: Hi. Welcome to EN2101. Are you coming from home?
Me: Yes
Lit Tutor: Mmm.. so was this your only lesson for the day?
Me: Yes
Lit Tutor: Then why are you late?
Me: I woke up late.
Lit tutor: For a 4pm lesson??
Me: Yes
Lit Tutor: Ah, its just 20 mins into our first lesson and I already dislike a student. The fastest record by far.

Political Science Tutor gives a break during his tutorial. He is walking back to class from the restroom when he sees me and my friend having a smoke. We are about to put out the stick.

PS tutor: What are you doing??? Do not waste your money! Its really expensive now. Take your time and finish it. The class will wait.
Me and my friend: (overwhelmed with emotions, we thank him graciously) Thank you sir.
PS Tutor: Aiyah, no problem. Next time when I need sticks I know who to go to. Can't afford full packs every other day.

Another PS Tutor: What was Gandhi's satyagraha about?
Me: His experiments with truth. His moral equivalent of a war.
Another PS Tutor: What were his 6 main strategies?
Me: I am not sure.
Another PS Tutor: What was the Champaran Agrarian Bill about?
Me: I have not done the readings on that yet.
Another PS Tutor: Honest answer, ok, so other than the fact that he is an Indian who doesn't lie, you know nothing else about Gandhi?
Me: Ya I guess... But at least this makes 2 Indians who don't lie.
Another PS Tutor: Ya true. So you want to be assassinated too?

A recent encounter, actually a yr and a half ago, with the same old Econs tutor from my JC.

Econs Tutor: Hello! How have you been? Years since I saw you! What are you doing?
Me: I am doing my honours year in Uni.
Econs Tutor: Really???? (shocked)
Me: Yes, In political science.
Econs Tutor: I am glad that you actually made it in life.
Me: Thank you.
Econs Tutor: I knew you had good potential but you always proved me wrong by being lazy.
Me: Guess I didn't turn out too bad.
Econs Tutor: Oh no, you would't have turn out bad. You were more useless than hopeless.

She then queries about the other Indians she taught. After listening to the general gist that we were all doing relatively well in Uni, she said,
"Oh my. Who would have thought? The Indians actually made it!"
Me: Yeah we did. Who would have thought?

"A teacher affects eternity. He never knows where his influence stops" by Henry B. Adams
was a quote used in Tuesdays with Morrie. We might not have a Morrie in our lives, but we certainly would have had a Maggie or a Mr Tan, or a Miss Low or a Mr Singh or Mr/Ms/Mrs Someone in our lives whom we would remember for years to come.

300- Nothing more, everything less.

Numbers were always fascinating. We had many famous ones like 666, 999, 911, and 69. The newest kid on the block to join this extraordinary league of gentlenumbers would be 300. The last time this number attained fame was probably in 300B.C. The significant era in which Euclid, a great Greek Mathematician was said to have recorded the first mathematical theorem concerning perfect numbers. 300 met its revival recently though, through Zack Snyder's graphic depiction of the ancient Battle of Thermopylae in the historical action movie 300 . The movie deserves its accolades for a genuine attempt on Frank Miller's graphic novel of the same name or should I say same number. But beyond that, what the film 300 truly deserves are the following awards:

The award for the "Most testosterone- pumping Movie of the last 10 years" should go to 300.
The award for the "Most number of beautiful bodies to ever hit the screens" would go to the Spartan soldiers.
The award for the "Most piercings on a King" would go to the Persian King Xerxes.
Oh and the award for the "Most scantily clad soldiers to ever fight a War" would also be gifted to the Spartans.

Generally films reflect the way the unconscious patriarchal society structures the female form. But 300 chose the route less travelled. It demonstrated the way a sub conscious matriarchal society would structure the 'ideal' male form. Chiselled sweaty bodies with such defined lines running across the torsoes of muscled men can give some international border demarcations a run for their precision. The cinematic employment of scopophilia(looking itself is a pleasure) lasted for the full duration of the film, making me stronger during the draggier parts and sustaining me in anticipation for the next bloodied bare bodied battle. 300 proved that there is power in looking as it contained the propensity to appeal to a higher power, our senses. After staring at spartan sculpted bodies and hearing some terribly ugly Persians roar and speak, I felt that the movie was utterly a visually constructed, Celebrity Deathmatch style attempt of the real "300" battle. One can get pleasures from any movies as long as they do not look too deep. I didn't look deep as there was nothing deep to look for.

Leonidas, the Spartan King in the movie said, "Give them nothing and take from them everything!" Well, the Spartans wore 'nothing' and thus gave us a chance to feast on their 'nothingness.' But they did take everything : By fitting well into a cycle of masculist hero films, the movie 'castrated' the men in the audience to feel like boys. By directing the power of our gaze and thoughts to the beauty of the physical form and the adoration of violence, it manipulated our simple minds against the truths of social history, political analysis of the battle, ideology and cultural schism. Graphic- visual pleasure has a cathartic effect. It dissipates any disdain the audience might have for the barbaric nature of the Spartans and embeds the 'monster-esque' categorisation of the Persians in our hearts.

Having said all that, its relatively a good movie. There was nothing to hate but only everything to like.

Random words...

The different circumstances and experiences we go through in life inevitably challenge our ability to exercise a balance between mental reasoning and emotions. One of the liberating effects of this challenge would be the verbal release of random words. What we term, "shooting off one's mouth." Most of us are guilty of it. Sometimes we just cannot imprison our feelings, contain our sarcasm or quarantine our expletives. Hence, this release happens both consciously and unconsciously. And we justify it by saying, "It was just a passing comment", "It came out wrongly", "I didn't really mean it that way", "Those are just random words". Words remain the uncomparable medium of communication for Man. Choose them wisely.

Random words
Or so they seem
Swimming in the air
Waiting...
To drown you from within.

Where then does your tongue draw its line?
Within the cracks of your smile?
Within the boundaries of your mouth?
Or within the borders of your thoughts?

When does it know its time to stop?
When your anger blinds your mind, heart and your ears?
When you brazenly breach the acceptable?
Or when your loved ones stand speechless in tears?
Now isn't that enough a sign?

That random words are actually not so random.

The last 100 years...

An age of discovery:

• 1927- Invention of the Idiot Box
• Information Technology, with the Internet as an icon, is now the century’s symbol of our struggle to achieve order in a world of chaos partially generated by the Internet itself.
• Accentuated modes of transportation
• Genetic engineering provided us with Dolly the sheep, a hope of cure for diseases as diverse as cancer and Alzheimer’s.
• Aids was discovered to be the fastest spreading disease that left victims without a chance survival.
• Micro processor – a tiny square of silicon the size of a fingernail
• Theory of relativity, splitting of the atom, unraveling of the structure of DNA
• First tangible evidence in 1996 that we may not be alone in the universe.
• Sending of images of exploding galaxies from the Hubble telescope which could answer Aristotle’s question 2500 years ago, “How is the universe created?”

Sheer perseverance and the indomitable human spirit:

• Human Endeavour- Neil Armstrong on the moon in 1969
• Mother Theresa’s work of humanity
• Martin Luther’s King unflinching belief that the “Blacks will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of the skin, but by the content of their character.”
• Gandhi’s Ahimsa and Satyagraha
• Nelson Mandela's steadfast pursuit in wanting to improve the life of the blacks.
• Pope John Paul the second - First Polish pope and first non-Italian pope in 455 years
• Sports: Egs- Mohammad Ali, Tendulkar, Ian Thorpe, Pele, Michael Johnson, Michael Jordon

Resounding changes in global politics:

• Pacifism and Fascism performed their final act in WW 2.
• 1945: The United Nations was founded
• 1990s The Cold War ended marking the birth of a new –ism, capitalism. The start of the American ‘reign.’
• The end of colonialism. The birth of independent nations and the creation of a number of new states such as Kazakhstan, Ukraine
• National frontiers being adjusted, for example, the handing over of Hong Kong to China, East Timor becoming independent
• Sept 11: Terrorism a real existent threat. Redefined security.

Ideological, political or economic rifts. For ages, differences have been translated into inter-personal as well as international conflicts. Fundamental respect for human dignity and a lack of compassion for the fellow Man a lesson gone unheeded over the years:

• Onslaught of 2 world wars,
• Gulf war
• Opium war
• Cold war
• Civil wars and brutal warfare- Somalia, Former Yugoslavia, Russia, Kashmir, Afghanistan, Sri Lanka and the Middle-East are just a few grotesque testimonies.
• The Long March
• Israel Palestine conflict
• Genocide in Rwanda : Hutus and Tutsis
• Apartheid in South Africa
• War on terrorism- A war that will probably never end.
• The Holocaust championed by Hitler
• Stalin purges his own country
• Japanese Occupation
• Infamous Rape of Nanking
• Massacre of Pol Pot’s Khmer Rouge

Nuclear: The new in word? “Proliferation begets proliferation.” (Quoted from an old lecturer who could have possibly quoted from someone else)

• From a high of 65,000 active weapons in 1985, there were about 20,000 active nuclear weapons in the world in 2002. -Wikipedia
• First use of nuclear weapon in 1945 ("Trinity") Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings
• Chernobyl
• North Korea, Libya: The citizens are malnourished and have faced the famine. But funds have gone into acquiring the latest nuclear weapons and building nuclear reactors. A militarily spectacular achievement juxtaposed with persistent domestic problems is indicative of something amiss in the human brain and in human values.

Managing environmental degradation and sustaining ecological balance:

• The Earth Summit: Burdened by a large number of broken promises.
• Tearing a hole in the ozone layer
• Deforestation
• Exhaustion of the oceans
• Extensive Pollution of land, sea and air
• If the Montreal Protocol was not signed in 1987 to phase out ozone depleting chemicals, chlorine levels would be 6 times higher in the year 2020 than the level at which significant ozone layer depletion starts.

A different clamour for Freedom: New thought, expression and idea:

• Hippie Culture
• Feminism and Human Rights (Independent Women’s Forum, Greenpeace, Amnesty International)
• Marriage between homosexuals
• Legalising euthanasia
• Democracy and the many versions that come along with it: Liberal democracy, authoritative democracy etc.

Revolutionary aesthetics:

• Music: Sinatra, Beatles, Bee Gees, Elvis, Michael Jackson, Nirvana, Eminem, Beyonce and so on… Jazz, Pop, Rock, Disco, Heavy metal, R&B, Rap, Techno
• Arts: Modern, Post modern-art with greater emphasis on symbolism and abstraction. The revival of cubism. The performing arts. Broadways and musicals enhanced by technological advancements.
• Media: Reality Programmes like American Idol and Survivor
• Comics/Cartoons: Superman, Spiderman, Looney Tunes- ideology, message, commodity, leisure, hobby, craze.
• Sports: The Olympics receiving international status and recognition. The World Cup!!!!!
• Authors: Sylvia Plath, Dylan Thomas, Roald Dahl Arundathi Roy, Sidney Sheldon, Paulo Coehlo, Stephen King, Dan Brown, Michael Crichton and many more

The gateway of prosperity:

• 1929 Great Depression
• Capitalism and Consumerism
• Asian economic crisis
  

The words/terms/phrases of the last 100 years:

• Globalization
• Communism
• Capitalism
• USSR
• Mcdonalds
• Coca Cola
• Apartheid
• UN
• WHO
• Protocol – Geneva, Kyoto, Montreal etc
• Superpower
• Holocaust
• Genocide – The term did not exist before 1944
• Hip hop
• R n B
• David Beckham
• Bill Gates
• Monica Lewinsky
• Hitler
• Osama Bin Laden
• Saddam
• Spilberg
• Tsunami
• Cloning
• Harry Potter
• Jurassic Park
• Da Vinci’s code
• Titanic
• E= MC2
• Nuclear Proliferation
• MAD- Mutual Assured Destruction
• DNA
• SARS
• Mad cow disease
• M16
• Superman
• Mickey Mouse
• Tele-Tubbies
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
• MTV
• Oscars
• Days of our lives
• The Shaker Pencil
• Nokia
• SMS
• Botox
• Play station
• Censorship
• Microsoft
• CPU
• www.
• Google
• Axis of evil
• Yasukuni Shrine
• Roswell
• CIA
• 9/11
• Terrorism
• Pager
• Handphone
• MP3/Ipod
• CNN
• Tabloids
• Paparazzi
• Princess Diana
• “I have a dream”
• “What’s Up Doc?” – Bugs Bunny
• Armageddon
• Racial harmony
• Ole ole ole ole…
• Rubik Cube
• Marijuana
• Marlboro – reinvigorated in the 1950s. “Became exceedingly popular in the United States.” -Wikipedia
• MNCs
• NATO
• Peace keeping
• Microsoft
• You tube
• Friendster
• MSN
• Blog
• And everything else that has slipped my jaded memory.

Based on calculations by Angus Maddison, an economic historian, the 10 largest economies in 1897 were almost the same countries today. The disparity between the wealthy and impoverished still and will persist. Some things have changed. Some things simply don’t even if given another 100 years. As we carefully recollect the 100 years’ events, its clear that achievements have been made feasible due to the ingenious human spirit coupled with foresight. The last 100 years have been undeniably fraught with socio-economical-political-ethical problems such as greed, violence and innate differences. It’s an era worth etching in our mind for countless reasons. However, the intrinsic ability to progress should not be negated. Hopefully the next 100 years see more developments and achievements in all fields of human existence.

“Memories are the key not to the past but to the future”- Carrie Boom with John and Elizabeth Sherwill

This is merely a walk down the memory lane to consolidate those age-old lessons. I am confident that I have missed out on a substantial amount of relevant incidents and events. But I would still like to thank my brain and Wikipedia for making this post possible.

Fix the Jinx.

The Indonesian Prime Minister Yudhoyono is a governing authority acknowledged and respected by all. However, the effectiveness of his leadership and governance has been brought into question when disasters started piling up under his rule.

In a nutshell :

• The earthquake triggered tsunami that killed about 168 000 people in Aceh
• Two major earthquakes which claimed the lives of 6000 people.
• Two air crashes with an approximate death toll of 250
• A few maritime accidents resulting in 500 dead.
• Forest fires that led to the all ‘encompassing’ haze
• Another two strong earthquakes in west Sumatra killed at least 72
• Flood triggered landslides in the eastern province of Nusa Tenggara Timor claimed more than 30
• And the latest on March 7th 2007
  - The crash of the Garuda Airlines in which 23 were killed.

The above statistics were taken from The Straits Times, 9th March 2007.

All these in the 2 yrs and 5 months of Yudhoyono’s rule. An estimated amount of 174 875 people have died in Indonesia in these 29 months, a rough count of 872 days (from Mid October 2004 to March 7th 2007-latest incident date ). The death per day is therefore an approximated number of 200.54.

The tsunami certainly played a pivotal role in raising this death per day count to a staggering number. It is ludicrous to blame anyone for something not within their control. But this doesn’t dismiss the fact that Indonesia is vulnerable in handling its environment and the problems related to it. The other disasters/incidents serve as a testament. These aren’t merely the products of nature’s fury. Man’s folly was imperative too. Man’s activities have contributed in one way or another to some of these disasters and their calamitous effects. The power of a country and the ability of a leader in the international arena is pre-determined by events in the past. The international arena is one place where you cannot leave the past behind, in fact, it overtakes you in a Ferrari. The past doesn’t look too good for Mr Yudhoyono. Neither does the near future.

(Death per day calculations were solely done by the author. No other sources are responsible. The numbers are neither exact nor too far off)

Satellite photograph of the haze above Borneo.

Man's folly. Nature's fury.

NUS- The number one common enemy?

The Dhool competition on Vasantham Central took its final bow on the 25th of Feb 2007. But the institution that won it, NUS, started taking its first of many repeated blows on that day itself. A week and 3 days have passed but the angst and furore this 'controversial' win created are yet to subside completely. From what I can remember, the young Indians in Singapore have never reacted this fervently to any other issue, not even to the hike in school fees. The win by NUS certainly brought the Indian community together. The 'injustices' carried out by NUS, Mega star and KPMG(the audit firm that counted the votes) were probably too much for many to take. Therefore, they sought solace in 3 crucial ways: 1.venting their frustrations through the deft use of expletives on blogs, MSN conversations and Friendster, 2.discussing and coming up with irrational perceptions with minimal or zero evidence to back them up and 3. reaching pervesely extreme conclusions. It is not necessary to have a noble aim in common. It is necessary only to have a common enemy. NUS became this common enemy overnight. Some students and avid fans of dhool want the institution banned from further participation. A handful "hate all NUS indians"(quoted from someone who has a great dislike for the school after they won dhool again) while others think we are "arrogant because we are able to write and speak well"(quoted from my cousin's friends' who collectively decided that ALL NUS INDIAN students- me included, are arrogant pricks. I have only met them twice by the way). I apologise dear friends. We will try not to write or speak well when a larger Indian crowd is around. We do not want our confidence to be mistaken for arrogance. Initially, it humoured me to read all these posts and hear all these comments. I have nothing against critics or those who maturedly engage themselves in contentious issues. But when illogical personal attacks bordering on extremism are being dished out, anyone from NUS, who has a tad bit of integrity will decide: Enough is enough. So its my time to join the discourse and share my two cents worth.

For the last week or so, the name NUS has been dragged through mud and left out in the open to be trampled upon. I decided to step out and salvage whatever is left of My institution. Don't read this thinking I am a biased, arrogant ex-NUS student but do read it thinking I am a rationalist deliberating the possible truth.

Did NUS deserve the win? The million dollar question backed up by the million dollar answer, No. Most of us know that. Two other groups were better. The number of votes substantiated by their performace helped NUS clinch the top prize. I am not here to discuss the morality of the voting system, but if its an applicable criteria, don't question its authenticity. Instead of complaining, one should have just been more productive and voted ardently for the group that he/she supported. Don't blame those who strove to show their support. The premise of Dhool, other than being based on performance, was purported to be based on another practice-politics. Apparently, KPMG and Megastar "favour NUS as it is the only Uni with the word Singapore in it" (quoted from comment made on Youtube). SMU has the word Singapore in it too but thats besides the point. Now, what benefits do KPMG and Megastar reap by favouring NUS or by pre-deciding that the champions will be NUS. Is it because KPMG, one of the top four audit firms in Singapore, has been secretly getting its funds for auditing research from NUS? And by not declaring them Dhool Champions they stand to lose out on these funds? How about Megastar? Is it fearful of losing the cleaning contract it had previously leased out to the NUS participants of Dhool? Will KPMG risk its credibility as a transparent firm and forgo its Global code of Conduct: 'Performance with Integrity' by rigging the votes for a dance competition on Vasantham Central? Is Mr Kalaichelvan's(Mr K) Thil Thil Manathil not credible enough to send poignant messages to the Indian community that he has to do it through a dance competition, by presenting the victory to NUS and sending the Indian students the following message: "Look at them, they are able to manage their time well. They can excel in academics and win competitions too" (quoted from a personal friend). Variety programmes are not sought out for their informative qualities. Their aim is to appeal to your cognitive capacity- not to 'educate' you.

Like what a close friend said, "We don't sit for our A levels thinking, ok, let us do well and get into NUS, then we can start a dance group, take part in a media organised dance competition and win the first prize. The name NUS is enough to seize the victory." Everyone, except us NUS students, seems to have greater faith in the mystical powers of the NUS name. Do the organizers like us? Yes. Not because we are from a 'Branded' instituition but because we handle ourselves adequately well. We behave with decorum. If the NUS students were to behave rowdily, initiate arguments with the organizers, remain disobedient and brash, would Mr K and gang like them then? Do not get me wrong. I am certainly not implying that we are the only well behaved ones. There are surely others who conduct themselves appropriately too. Generally, organizers take a liking to the best behaved groups. Its human nature. There is a thin line separating liking and favouritism, with closer examination and a positive search for the truth, one will be able to distinguish it. We are said to have an upper hand with the organizers but most of us are yet to find this invisible upper hand. We have also been duly incriminated for employing certain 'underhand tactics'. I have been trying to figure that out for quite sometime. Other than the discreet cleaning contract, I believe our friendly smiles and nice words of informing Mr K's assistant producers that it was a pleasure getting to know them probably fell under the scope of 'underhand tactics'. Never in our wildest imagination did we think that such minimum dosages of honeyed words were sufficient to clinch all our victories. We could have conserved all that energy and effort we had put in for the competitions. Sigh.. how silly of us.

NUS has been alleged for "winning every competition and not giving the other instituitions a chance"(quoted from a fellow blogger). We merely participate, its the judges decision to award us the win. Our participation does not deprive another instituition's chance. Its the performance that does. Good performances always increase your winning chances. Oh and pardon me, I forgot to mention. We supposedly won every other competition by once again using these highly mysterious "Underhand Tactics." The changes our 'influence' and 'tactics' can create in any school, society, audit firm, media related company and probably any other Indian organization are truly astounding. I didn't know we were so powerful across the board. Anyway, I believe I am not out of place to say that we are indeed abundant in talent (especially when considering the number of local and foreign indian students NUS has). These competitions serve as a platform for these young talents. Do not let prejudices and hatred for the school blind your senses to make you think that we won because we 'pulled some strings.' Do not make it sound like its easier for us. That is synonymous to discrediting our talents and efforts and insulting us in the process. I can name you the numerous competitions in which we didn't win. But I want to take pride in that everyone only remembers NUS for its victories (be it for the wrong reasons) and not for its losses. For the next competition, a word of advice for the NUS juniors: Attempt a muted performace of absolute stillness. The many soothsayers around us will 'accurately' predict that NUS will still manage a win as it has the combined blessings of the highly mysterious 'underhand tactics' and favouritism.

This lengthy post is neither a subterfuge nor a strongly worded message to spread the love for NUS and cause a change in mindset. It plainly aims to serve as an insight to those who are labouring an unfortunate misapprehension. Unlike the Barbarians and the Philistines, NUS will neither despair nor threaten violent revolution and change. NUS should just look forward cheerfully and regard the destructive criticism as a catalyst for garnering more victories.

P.S. This rhetoric is not intended to undermine any individual's or organization's integrity and credibilty (read the disclaimer at the side for a better understanding). Sarcasm was solely employed to get the point across.The names of the people who provided the 'quotable quotes' have been withheld for the author's security. Good day.

Alcohol Synonymous

The best way to kick off my blogging experience would be to start off with a post about the joys of drinking. To clear the air, I am no avid drunk. But I do occasionally succumb to the 'charms' of drinking- Mainly to its purgatory prowess in cleansing our sorrow, and perhaps our stomach in the process. Let me start simply...

Drinking remains an ideal way to discover your friends' darkest and dirtiest secrets. Somehow the tightest of tounges will start loosening when a pint of alcohol goes in. And all you have to do then is to ask the right questions and pysche yourselves for the shocking answers you would receive in return. Its also an exceptional form of entertainment, especially when you are surrounded by friends who do the stupidest of things when they are drunk. Their minds will probably start replaying the incident when their sober. Hence, bringing them to the brink of regretting it for the rest of their lives. And if by any chance they do manage to forget their stupid drunken acts its our duty as close friends to revitalise their jaded memory.

Alcohol is a good arsenal for blackmail too. One can use it to his/her advantage since he/she would have, at least once in his/her life, helped a smashed swimming- in- puke friend. Constant reminders to your previously drunk friend about your act of kindness can reap exciting benefits. I will also recommend it as a convenient excusatory tool. It allows you to rant and bitch about anyone or anything and yet remain confident that a slap will not fly across your face the next day because people will surprisingly understand that its not you who did the talking. All fingers will be pointed at the empty Chivas lying pathetically beside your hangover-ed face. Good-will has reached such unspeakable heights that instead of blaming Man we now blame the bottle.

Alcohol is a morale booster as it has the uncanny ability to convince you that you are a SuperHero. You can live your childhood dream of wanting to 'fly' (pun intended), of becoming Captain Courageous and of attaining superhuman strength. This mixture of nostalgia and ideology probably surpasses the mixture of your vodka and ribena in intensity. The commercialization of drinking is in part responsible for the characterisation of an Indian. When you speak to the other races here, you would realise that most of them have a general conception. That we Indians are the best drinkers in Singapore, JB and some say even Batam. Apparently we can hold our drinks better than we can hold our grades. I wouldn't agree wholeheartedly but hey if they want to revere us for our drinking habits, I am not stopping them. I think secretly most of us indulge in this reverence.

So whats my honest defense for drinking? Well, alcohol posited the thrilling promise of consumer choice in a market dominated by generally dull, preserved, canned or frozen consumption goods. It serves as an important cry to rally your normally dispersed makkalae(people/friends). All you got to do is send a mass sms, "Hey, lets meet up for a beer." You will be surprised at the speed in which you'll receive all those extremely jubilant replies. Sometimes you even wonder whether the notion of meeting you excited your friend or was it actually the prospect of having a beer that really got him/her jumping with joy. And at those times when you are shrouded in doubt, just reminisce about your frienship, all the times you have spent together, the unconditional love that you have shared, how frienship is the only ship you cant sink etc etc.. It will certainly help in making your friend look less desperate. Alcohol has and will continue to mobilize friends against the tyrannies of life. It also eases the normally stringent act of letting your guard down and presents you with your share of the FUN pie.

This new found respect for a non-living entity glorifies some of the best moments of our youth. The iconization of this commodity has indeed represented a way of life. To everyone out there, a few wise words from a drinker: Life is not about having a point, its about having a drink. So have a beer when you can coz it can be synonymous to having a life. Oh and to all the really young ones out there who have accidentally stumbled upon this post.. Alcohol is a no no. Its extremely bad for your health.